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In many places, prisons are crowded and expensive for governments to maintain. Yet, when offenders are released, they end up back in prison a short while latter. Does prison work? Should lawbreakers be rehabilitated or punished? v.2

In many places, prisons are crowded and expensive for governments to maintain. Yet, when offenders are released, they end up back in prison a short while latter. Does prison work? Should lawbreakers be rehabilitated or punished? v. 2
In contemporary society, it is regretful that some prisoners end up back in jail after being released in several areas. However, this does not deny the crucial role of prison in maintaining social security. In my personal perspective, prison contributes greatly to the societal peacefulness in which inmates are both punished and rehabilitated to become law-abiding citizens. It is obvious that prison helps to reform the thoughts and behaviors of the offenders. At first, being in prison provides the inmates a sufficient amount of time to reconsider their criminal behavior and its reverse ramifications. Moreover, jail is also an ideal place to educate the prisoners and make them become more responsible inhabitants. Thanks to this, the prisoners are able to reintegrate in society and avoid committing any crimes. Since the mission of prison is to rehabilitate offenders as aforementioned, it is undeniable that inmates are worth suffering from strict punishment as a deterrent to their criminals. However, the death penalty is not encourageable in this case owing to moral reasons. Alternatively, after being punished, prisoners are required to engage in doing public service to bring them a sense of living purpose. A prime example is in Vietnam, where lawbreakers are strictly punished and educated in prison. After that painful period, some inmates have raised their awareness about their individual as well as national duties and become standard citizens. In conclusion, the fact that prison helps to maintain social security and assure people about a safer society is undeniable. Simultaneously, prison is believed to be a reliable place to punish and train inmates to become responsible citizens.
In contemporary society, it is regretful that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up back in jail after
being released
in several areas.
However
, this does not deny the crucial role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
in maintaining social security. In my personal perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
contributes
greatly
to the societal peacefulness in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inmates
are both punished and rehabilitated to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
law-abiding citizens.

It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to reform the thoughts and behaviors of the offenders. At
first
, being in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
provides the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inmates
a sufficient amount of time to reconsider their criminal behavior and its reverse ramifications.
Moreover
, jail is
also
an ideal place to educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more responsible inhabitants. Thanks to this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
are able to reintegrate in society and avoid committing any crimes.

Since the mission of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is to rehabilitate offenders as aforementioned, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inmates
are worth suffering from strict punishment as a deterrent to their criminals.
However
, the death penalty is not
Possible spelling mistake found.
encourageable
in this case
owing to moral reasons.
Alternatively
, after
being punished
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
are required
to engage in doing public service to bring them a sense of living purpose. A prime example is in Vietnam, where lawbreakers are
strictly
punished and educated in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
. After that painful period,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inmates
have raised their awareness about their individual
as well
as national duties and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
standard citizens.

In conclusion
, the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to maintain social security and assure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about a safer society is undeniable.
Simultaneously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is believed
to be a reliable place to punish and train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inmates
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
responsible citizens.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay In many places, prisons are crowded and expensive for governments to maintain. Yet, when offenders are released, they end up back in prison a short while latter. Does prison work? Should lawbreakers be rehabilitated or punished? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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