Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

When schools do not have enough funding or teachers, some people think physical education classes should be cut, while others believe that courses in art and music should be eliminated first. Which do you think is preferable, and why? v.1

When schools do not have enough funding or teachers, some people think physical education classes should be cut, while others believe that courses in art and music should be eliminated first. Which do you think is preferable, and why? v. 1
In our society, all individuals have their responsibilities to perform their routine work, duty, task or any others activities. Country development is rely on common accountability of every civilian. A good citizen has more responsibility than just paying taxes. People should obey rules and regulations, disciplines and others laws and taking part as volunteering makes benefit and feel safely to society. Firstly, obeying the rules and regulations in the society creates an environment where people feel safe and comfortable. For example, if people drive the car, they should follow traffic rules to avoid accident and to serve others to drive their vehicle safely on the road. Many devastating accidents will happen if everyone neglects the rules. If people didn’t obey the law of murdering and stealing, then the murder rate would increase and it leads to threatening peoples’ society. Therefore, people should follow the rules and regulations to make this world a better place to live. Secondly, volunteers are integral to our society. Volunteering can have a real and valuable positive impact to the communities such as educating children from remote areas can create a surpass life for them and for their families. Furthermore, cleanliness drives and garbage collection activities encourage to promote environmental friendship. Thus, by upgrading the lives of people by volunteering in different areas create a civilized society. In conclusion, paying tax is not enough contribution to the community. So, individuals should follow the rules and regulations to keeps everyone safe, everybody will feel comfortable, and it creates a better society and volunteering for various agencies and charities to create a fruitful outcomes.
In our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, all individuals have their responsibilities to perform their routine work, duty, task or any others activities. Country development is
Consider using a past participle here: "relied".
rely
on common accountability of every civilian. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen has more responsibility than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
paying taxes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should obey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulations
, disciplines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
laws and taking part as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
benefit and feel
safely
to society.

Firstly
, obeying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulations
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creates
an environment where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel safe and comfortable.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
drive the car, they should follow traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
to avoid accident and to serve others to drive their vehicle
safely
on the road.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
devastating accidents will happen if everyone neglects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
didn’t obey the law of murdering and stealing, then the murder rate would increase and it leads to threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulations
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this world a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

Secondly
, volunteers are integral to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Volunteering
can have a real and valuable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact to the communities such as educating children from remote areas can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'surpass' is correct. If 'surpass' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a surpass
life for them and for their families.
Furthermore
, cleanliness drives and garbage collection activities encourage
Did you mean "promoting"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to promote
environmental friendship.
Thus
, by upgrading the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a civilized society.

In conclusion
, paying tax is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
contribution to the community.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, individuals should follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulations
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
everyone safe, everybody will feel comfortable, and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creates
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
for various agencies and charities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a fruitful
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "outcome"?
outcomes
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay When schools do not have enough funding or teachers, some people think physical education classes should be cut, while others believe that courses in art and music should be eliminated first. Which do you think is preferable, and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts