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tpo7. task3Sculpture Courses to Be DiscontinuedUniversity administrators announced yesterday that the sculpture program, a division of the art department, will be eliminated. "The main reason is a lack of student interest, " reported one administ v.1

tpo7. task3Sculpture Courses to Be DiscontinuedUniversity administrators announced yesterday that the sculpture program, a division of the art department, will be eliminated. "The main reason is a lack of student interest, " reported one administ v. 1
Current concerns on the low proportion of science course enrolment alerts the governments worldwide. The data has proved that teenagers rather choose business concentrations or creativity industries than science. There are several reasons behind this issue, and they put adverse impacts on societies. A variety of reasons can be put forward to elaborate why fewer students have interests in careers which relate to science. One of the most preponderant ones is that these subjects are often difficult and demanding. In that sense, it required students to put much effort into their study, which results in a monotonous life. For example, if a student chooses to become a chemist engineer, he has to conduct too many experiments and complete numerous projects, which prevented him from having any free time. On the other hand, pursuing an art or business degree allows students to study at their own pace, and use their time for travelling or family. Apart from this reason, science related jobs are fewer than other industries. Therefore, even some students are passionate about science, they also give up on it to select their major in other industries. Since young workforce will mainly drive future of a country, their career choice will directly decide the development of the economy and technology. Then, shortage in any industries will lead to imbalance, and there is no exception in this case. During the next twenty years, when the Generations X retires, there will be no replacement sources for these positions. Less science graduates also means fewer technological developments, which then prevent improvements in people’s life quality. In early twenty first century, the breakthrough of smart phone technology is the most impressive milestone. It is believed to happen because Generation X and Millennials were encouraged to study about science. Nowadays, it is hard to predict how science will thrive when Generation Z are more likely to choose Art and Business courses. In conclusion, the decrease in science subject enrolment's had happened for many reasons, and it is mainly because of the difficulties of the unit and low career opportunities. This trend will impact on society and technology evolution in the next fifty years.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Current
concerns on the low proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
course
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolment' is British English.
enrolment
alerts the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
worldwide. The data has proved that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
rather
choose business concentrations or creativity industries than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this issue, and they put adverse impacts on societies.

A variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
can
be put
forward to elaborate why fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have interests in careers which relate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. One of the most preponderant ones is that these subjects are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
difficult and demanding. In that sense, it required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to put much effort into their study, which results in a monotonous life.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
chooses to become a chemist engineer, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
conduct too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experiments and complete numerous projects, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
him from having any free time.
On the other hand
, pursuing an art or business degree
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pace, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their time for travelling or family. Apart from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
related jobs are fewer than other industries.
Therefore
, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are passionate about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, they
also
give up on it to select their major in other industries.

Since young workforce will
mainly
drive future of a country, their career choice will
directly
decide the development of the economy and technology. Then, shortage in any industries will lead to imbalance, and there is no exception
in this case
. During the
next
twenty years, when the Generations X retires, there will be no replacement sources for these positions. Less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
graduates
also
means fewer technological developments, which then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
improvements in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life quality. In early twenty
first
century, the breakthrough of smart phone technology is the most impressive milestone. It
is believed
to happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Generation X and Millennials
were encouraged
to study about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. Nowadays, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to predict how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
will thrive when Generation Z are more likely to choose Art and Business courses.

In conclusion
, the decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
subject
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolment' is British English.
enrolment
's had happened for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, and it is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the difficulties of the unit and low career opportunities. This trend will impact on society and technology evolution in the
next
fifty years.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay tpo7. task3Sculpture Courses to Be DiscontinuedUniversity administrators announced yesterday that the sculpture program, a division of the art department, will be eliminated. "The main reason is a lack of student interest, " reported one administ v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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