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When people success, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

When people success, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. v. 1
At the present time, it is something suppose that a number of cruel shows on the television and movies in cinemas potentially encourage youngsters to commit crimes and violence that it roses acts of aggression in our community. I agree with that and I will extend my opinion. Firstly, this essay will discuss violation shows on TV and movies could have a strong impact on the emotions of children, secondly, it will analyse to reducing cruelty of young children, by the way, establish regime and restrictions of watching these types of programs and films. The primary reason why the mass media and some films have a tendency to impact to youngsters is that many teenagers could be totally engrossing to violent TV shows or film industry. Hence, they have an inability to distinguish right or wrong mode in the long run. As a result, the majority of them could use, the manner of their favourite characters, such as heroes or superheroes. The prime example is, having carried out research among young children with aggressive behaviour, scientists have revealed that in the USA youngsters express themselves in conflict situations by using guns at school. Yet another point is that teenagers with cruel manners should follow a schedule and rules to watch television at home or outside. Moreover, parents and teachers could stimulate interest in them to watch together appropriate channels or movies, as a golden opportunity. If it were not for supporting young children, their life would not be safe. Rarely do people understand the consequences of an uncontrolled lifetime of teenagers. For an instant, in the UAE, according to the rules of government, it conducts to monitor what kind of shows or films have to perform in public. In conclusion, I am firmly convinced that shown on TV programs and movies in the cinema have a negative reaction to children's auditory that should select and limited to watching them.
At the present time, it is something suppose that a number of cruel
shows
on the television and
movies
in cinemas
potentially
encourage youngsters to commit crimes and violence that
it roses
acts of aggression in our community. I
agree
with that and I will extend my opinion.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss violation
shows
on TV and
movies
could have a strong impact on the emotions of
children
,
secondly
, it will
analyse
to reducing cruelty of young
children
, by the way, establish regime and restrictions of watching these types of programs and films.

The primary reason why the mass media and
some
films have a tendency to impact to youngsters is that
many
teenagers
could be
totally
engrossing to violent TV
shows
or film industry.
Hence
, they have an inability to distinguish right or
wrong
mode in the long run.
As a result
, the majority of them could
use
, the manner of their
favourite
characters, such as heroes or superheroes. The prime example is, having carried out research among young
children
with aggressive
behaviour
, scientists have revealed that in the USA youngsters express themselves in conflict situations by using guns at school.

Yet
another point is that
teenagers
with cruel manners should follow a schedule and
rules
to
watch
television at home or outside.
Moreover
, parents and teachers could stimulate interest in them to
watch
together appropriate channels or
movies
, as a golden opportunity. If it were not for supporting young
children
, their life would not be safe. Rarely do
people
understand the consequences of an uncontrolled lifetime of
teenagers
. For an instant, in the UAE, according to the
rules
of
government
, it conducts to monitor what kind of
shows
or films
have to
perform in public.

In conclusion
, I am
firmly
convinced that shown on TV programs and
movies
in the cinema have a
negative
reaction to children's auditory that should select and limited to watching them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay When people success, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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