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Task 1-Please give your suggestions on saving our planet since we are facing serious environmental problems. Explain your answers using specific examples and details. v.1

Task 1-Please give your suggestions on saving our planet since we are facing serious environmental problems. Explain your answers using specific examples and details. v. 1
It is becoming a popular culture among students these days to take a gap year, which is a period that they take after finishing school and before starting college to take up a job or visit foreign countries. This essay will first discuss how a time off can help them find their passion, which is an important advantage, followed by how some of them lose the motivation to continue their studies, which is a big disadvantage. The benefit of taking some time off from studies is that students can explore various possibilities and find their interests. They can learn about many different areas of work and even try working in various fields. This can help them choose the best suited career, which in turn will make them successful in the future. For example, When I took a term off after school, I took an internship at a software company which made me realize that this field is most appropriate for me to build a career in. On the downside, a big disadvantage of this is that in some people, the idea to pursue education is lost due to a steady flow of income. When they feel that they can pay for their needs, they think that enrolling in higher studies is unnecessary. Hence they end up not furthering their education and gets stuck without educational specialization, which is extremely detrimental to their financial well-being. For instance, a recent survey published in the Times newspaper said that several Walmart employees are students who took the job in their gap year, but never got back to school in order to keep the steady income flowing. To sum up, a break in studies can help students introspect and choose the best path forward. However, it should be carefully considered so that it does not lead to the aversion from the need to pursue higher education.
It is becoming a popular culture among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
these days to take a gap year, which is a period that they take after finishing school and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting college to take up a job or visit foreign countries. This essay will
first
discuss how a time off can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them find their passion, which is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantage, followed by how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them lose the motivation to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
disadvantage.

The benefit of taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time off from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can explore various possibilities and find their interests. They can learn about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas of work and even try working in various fields. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them choose the best suited career, which in turn will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them successful in the future.
For example
, When I took a term off after school, I took an internship at a software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which made me realize that this field is most appropriate for me to build a career in.

On the downside, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
disadvantage of this is that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to pursue education
is lost
due to a steady flow of income. When they feel that they can pay for their needs, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that enrolling in higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
is unnecessary.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up not furthering their education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
stuck without educational specialization, which is
extremely
detrimental to their financial well-being.
For instance
, a recent survey published in the Times newspaper said that several Walmart employees are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who took the job in their gap year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
back to school in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the steady income flowing.

To sum up, a break in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
introspect and choose the best path forward.
However
, it should be
carefully
considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it does not lead to the aversion from the need to pursue higher education.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Task 1-Please give your suggestions on saving our planet since we are facing serious environmental problems. Explain your answers using specific examples and details. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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