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When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. v. 4
There is no doubt that the Parks and sports facilities are essential in our lives. However the question: Do people want to spend their free time in a public garden and sports places more than the shopping mall? Is considered one of the most controversial questions today. In this essay I am going to examine this question from both viewpoints. On one side of the argument there are people who argue that the benefits considerably outweigh the disadvantages. The main reason for believing that is the health status of the citizens, these kinds of facilities contribute a major role in health, a good illustration of that when people spent their free time in the gym, that help them to maintain a healthy weight by burning their calories because they are focusing on the exercise in comparison when they went to the mall, they are focusing on shopping and other related things. On the other hand, it is also possible to consider it from opposing case. There are people who often argued that in fact because they are thinking in both parks and gym, they do not have an interesting activity unlike the mall everybody can do what he prefers to do (he can play, walk, eat or even shopping), so everyone can find an interesting activity to do it in the shopping mall. We have seen there are no easy answers to this question. On balance, however, I tend to believe that do not think only about yourself in term of having more sports facilities since not all the people like to exercise and let us have more parks and big shopping malls, which have a sport facility inside it.
There is no doubt that the Parks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities are essential in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
question
: Do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to spend their free time in a public garden and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
places more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
?
Is considered
one of the most controversial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
questions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. In this essay I am going to examine this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
question
from both viewpoints.

On one side of the argument there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who argue that the benefits
considerably
outweigh the disadvantages. The main reason for believing
that is
the health status of the citizens, these kinds of facilities contribute a major role in health, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spent their free time in the gym, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to maintain a healthy weight by burning their calories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are focusing on the exercise
in comparison
when they went to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
, they are focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and other related things.

On the other hand
, it is
also
possible to consider it from opposing case. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that in fact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are thinking in both parks and gym, they do not have an interesting activity unlike the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
everybody can do what he prefers to do (he can play, walk, eat or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping)
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
everyone can find an interesting activity to do it in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall.

We have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
there are no easy answers to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
question
. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about yourself in term of having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities since not all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to exercise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us have more parks and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
, which have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facility inside it.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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