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Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion? v.11

Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. v. 11
While some parents prefer to give their offspring money, other people believe that giving them their only needs is preferable. I am of the belief that youngsters should not have lots of payment in their hands, because this may lead to smoking or drug addiction. In this essay both views will be explained. On one hand, there are some families who think that adolescents could be attracted to smoking and drug addiction. This is a result of two reasons, the first reason is the presence of banknotes, which can be used in a wrong way, and the second reason is the absence of their guardians due to their working hours. Both reasons give these youngsters a chance to try the restricted regulations that their parents put it, so they can try different bad habits starting from cigarettes ending with cocaine or heroine. This can be exemplified by teenagers who live in a bad neighbourhood, this society were there lots of drug dealers searching for those teenagers who have money to take it from them. Consequently, fathers and mothers should not give much cash to their offspring. On the other hand, most young people now have their own courses and sport activities; they spend a lot of time out their homes. Moreover, they need to buy food or purchase books related to their school needs, so they must have their own funds to bring their needs. So, if the parents should give money to their boys and girls, they give them what is needed only, This can be witnessed by the teenagers who have extra curricular activities outside their city, they should have their own money because they are away from their families as they can purchase their necessary needs. For this reason, teenagers should have a little cash money to achieve their needs. in conclusion, people nowadays claimed that money is necessary for their children, but it should be controlled. I believe that youngsters should have payment method, but not that much, in order do not stick to drugs.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
their offspring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that giving them their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
is preferable. I am of the belief that youngsters should not have lots of payment in their hands,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this may lead to smoking or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addiction. In this essay both views will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
.

On one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that adolescents could
be attracted
to smoking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addiction. This is a result of two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is the presence of banknotes, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way, and the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is the absence of their guardians due to their working hours.

Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
these youngsters a chance to try the restricted regulations that their parents put it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits starting from cigarettes ending with cocaine or heroine. This can
be exemplified
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
, this society were there lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
dealers searching for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to take it from them.
Consequently
, fathers and mothers should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
much cash to their offspring.

On the other hand
, most young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
courses and sport activities; they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time out their homes.
Moreover
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
books related to their school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
funds to bring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if the parents should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their boys and girls, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them what
is needed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, This can
be witnessed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
activities outside their city, they should have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are away from their families as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. For this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
cash
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to achieve their needs.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
conclusion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays claimed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is necessary for their children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should
be controlled
. I believe that youngsters should have payment method,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not that much, in order do not stick to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. v. 11

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
339 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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