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When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. v. 1
Residents of a community need public places to spend their free time. Therefore, many people believe that when planning the construction of a new town, parks, and sports centres should outnumber shopping centres. This essay will highlight why building recreational places would be more beneficial than providing shopping galleries for citizens. Certainly, the availability of shopping centers is very important for the facilitation of city inhabitants. They provide convenience in purchasing all necessary goods at a single place, saving time and travel costs for the people. They also provide a source of job opportunities for many individuals. Despite these benefits, the presence of a large number of shopping centers encourages people to spend most of their time in lavish malls. As a result, citizens do not give preference to their health, fitness, or social communication; they become accustomed to a luxurious lifestyle. Hence, they insist on building such buildings as malls amd restaurants for spending the leisurely life they want. However, having public parks, gymnasiums, swimming centers, or digital libraries for the facilitation of the people are of utmost importance. It helps people broaden their creativity along with keeping them fit and strong. It also helps children of the dwellers to play outdoor games needed to boost their mental and physical well being. The greater number of such amenities in society would encourage people to use them. As a consequence, the town will develop productively with creative and talented people residing in it. To conclude, although shopping galaxies or luxurious dining spots are a good source of entertainment, the importance of recreational venues should not be ignored when constructing an area. In my opinion, more emphasis should be placed on facilitating the public with the latter, so that town dwellers get more benefit in limited space and budget.
Residents of a community need public places to spend their free time.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that when planning the construction of a new town, parks, and sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
should outnumber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. This essay will highlight why building recreational places would be more beneficial than providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
galleries for citizens.

Certainly
, the availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the facilitation of city inhabitants. They provide convenience in purchasing all necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
at a single place, saving time and travel costs for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They
also
provide a source of job opportunities for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals. Despite these benefits, the presence of
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend most of their time in lavish malls.
As a result
, citizens do not give preference to their health, fitness, or social communication; they become accustomed to a luxurious lifestyle.
Hence
, they insist on building such buildings as malls
Possible spelling mistake found.
amd
restaurants for spending the
leisurely
life they want.

However
, having public parks, gymnasiums, swimming centers, or digital libraries for the facilitation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of utmost importance. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
broaden their creativity along with keeping them fit and strong. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
children of the dwellers to play outdoor games needed to boost their mental and physical
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. The greater number of such amenities in society would encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them. As a consequence, the town will develop
productively
with creative and talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
residing in it.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
galaxies or luxurious dining spots are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source of entertainment, the importance of recreational venues should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
when constructing an area. In my opinion, more emphasis should
be placed
on facilitating the public with the latter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that town dwellers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more benefit in limited space and budget.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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