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when have you been happily surprised by something? describe the experience and why the surprise was a happy one for you. v.2

when have you been happily surprised by something? describe the experience and why the surprise was a happy one for you. v. 2
Living overseas and speaking non native language is certainly difficult, because it causes the difficulties in social and practical life. However, this issue can be seen as a benefit for those who are seeking for better life. Thus, in regards to this topic, then it depends on various categories. Firstly, deciding to travel abroad and settling down in a new country will totally change our life, because it leaves our comfort zones. For instance, international students who are studying in another country must learn the indigenous language of that country in order to minimize misunderstanding in their university life. Though it is difficult, but students who are successful to overcome this situation will become more resilient when dealing with tough conditions. Furthermore, they can think out of the box since they already have encountered with many problems. In particular, living abroad will raise our life to a better condition. Conversely, because it cannot be done quickly since settling down in another country requires much effort to adjust, then it will cause the drawback in many aspects of our life. For example, foreigners who grow up in their own country have their own cultural values, then integrating with social communities will be the most difficult aspects and due to this problem, making friendship with others will be the main issue since foreigners also need time to learn other cultural values. Afterwards, it also afflicted their practical life, because there are also the language boundaries which often lead the communication to misconception. Therefore, living abroad is only for particular people who are ready to deal with many complicated circumstances. To sum up, I would disagree on some points that this issue will make difficulties in some aspects, because it raises the chance for having a better life. However, to substantiate my point I would like to concede that living in another country is only for those who have a strong mind and mentality.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
overseas and speaking
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non native
language is
certainly
difficult,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it causes the difficulties in social and practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, this issue can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a benefit for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are seeking for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Thus
,
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
this topic, then it depends on various categories.

Firstly
, deciding to travel abroad and settling down in a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
our comfort zones.
For instance
, international students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are studying in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn the indigenous language of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in order to minimize misunderstanding in their university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Though it is difficult,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are successful to overcome this situation will become more resilient when dealing with tough conditions.
Furthermore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
out of the box since they already have encountered with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.
In particular
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
abroad will raise our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to a better condition.

Conversely
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it cannot
be done
quickly
since settling down in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
requires much effort to adjust, then it will cause the drawback in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, foreigners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
grow up in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cultural values, then integrating with social communities will be the most difficult aspects and due to this problem, making friendship with others will be the main issue since foreigners
also
need time to learn other cultural values. Afterwards, it
also
afflicted their practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
also
the language boundaries which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lead the communication to misconception.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
abroad is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are ready to deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
complicated circumstances.

To sum up, I would disagree on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points that this issue will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
difficulties in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it raises the chance for having a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, to substantiate my point I would like to concede that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a strong mind and mentality.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay when have you been happily surprised by something? describe the experience and why the surprise was a happy one for you. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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