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Describe a person that you look up to as a role model. Explain how this person hasinfluenced your life. Include details and examples to support your response. v.1

Describe a person that you look up to as a role model. Explain how this person hasinfluenced your life. Include details and examples to support your response. v. 1
In the modern era, owing to the sedentary life and unhealthy food habits, children are gaining weight and becoming less healthy. However, this issue can be mitigated if the government imposes restrictions on fast food joints and also introduces physical activities in school curriculum. To commence with, in modern days, children are more exposed to technology and hence, they end up spending their time at home, without doing any physical work. Therefore, they live a sedentary life since they spend most of their time playing computer games or watching televisions, which can eventually create a detrimental impact on their health. Moreover, as fast food joints are ubiquitous in every city, children end up eating a lot of junk foods. These items are mostly prepared using a lot of oil, which can lead to various diseases like obesity. To illustrate, renowned food stalls like KFC and Burger King serve oily items like burgers and fried chickens in their meal box. This has a negative impact on the health of young people who consume them regularly. Seen in this light, lack of physical activities and excessive consumption of unhealthy fast foods have indubitably made children unfit and fat. Nevertheless, this pressing issue can be tackled if governments take proper initiatives. The government can make sports mandatory in school curriculum, which will not only help children to feel rejuvenated but also enable them to become fit. If schools conduct tournaments and events frequently, it will encourage their students to indulge in physical activities. Additionally, the authorities should impose restrictions / curbs on food joints and insist that they provide healthy alternatives to oily products in children’s meal. To illustrate, the well-known restaurant Taco Bell has a famous children’s meal where they serve items like custard and chicken salad, which are beneficial for health. Hence, introduction of games in schools and healthy food alternatives can be immeasurably beneficial to make children active and healthy. To conclude, although fast foods and the sedentary lifestyle have created a damaging effect on the health of children, the government can deal with this issue by imposing restrictions on the sale and promotion of fast foods and including physical activity in the curriculum.
In the modern era, owing to the sedentary life and unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are gaining weight and becoming less healthy.
However
, this issue can
be mitigated
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
imposes restrictions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
joints and
also
introduces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum.

To commence with, in modern days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more exposed to technology and
hence
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up spending their time at home, without doing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
work.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a sedentary life since they spend most of their time playing computer games or watching televisions, which can
eventually
create a detrimental impact on their health.

Moreover
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
joints are ubiquitous in every city,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. These items are
mostly
prepared using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
oil, which can lead to various diseases like obesity. To illustrate, renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
stalls like KFC and Burger King serve oily items like burgers and fried chickens in their meal box. This has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the health of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who consume them
regularly
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Seen
in this light, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and excessive consumption of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
have
indubitably
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
unfit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.

Nevertheless
, this pressing issue can
be tackled
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
take proper initiatives. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sports mandatory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum, which will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to feel rejuvenated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enable them to become fit. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
conduct tournaments and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
frequently
, it will encourage their students to indulge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Additionally
, the authorities should impose restrictions / curbs on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
joints and insist that they provide healthy alternatives to oily products in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
meal. To illustrate, the well-known restaurant Taco Bell has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
meal where they serve items like custard and chicken salad, which are beneficial for health.
Hence
, introduction of games in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
alternatives can be
immeasurably
beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
active and healthy.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and the sedentary lifestyle have created a damaging effect on the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can deal with this issue by imposing restrictions on the sale and promotion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
in the curriculum.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a person that you look up to as a role model. Explain how this person hasinfluenced your life. Include details and examples to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
364 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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