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When famous people give their opinion, many people listen. Do you think we should pay attention to these opinions? v.2

When famous people give their opinion, many people listen. Do you think we should pay attention to these opinions? v. 2
By and large, it is established beyond doubt that celebrities are the epitome of success for many thanks to the publicity they receive from social media and are, more often than not, imitated by those who have an insatiable desire for fame. Although they are widely adored by all people, not all people are influenced by them equally. In the following paragraphs some convincing reasons will be delineated to elaborate my personal stance. To commence with, for many people they serve as an arbiters taste, morality and public opinion. When different kinds of disorders like short term relationships, drugs or alcohol are leading celebrities, mature people would think that this life is not ideal but fans of this stars especially teenagers disagree. Generally phrased, some teens are more likely to listen to the word of their favorite celebrities than their own parents. For instance, many well-known people do not make a secret of alcohol or drugs abuse and this can provide fertile ground for youth to mimic immoral behaviors. To elucidate more on this issue, these behaviors by celebrities could have deleterious effects on the people' s life especially children owing to the fact that glamorization of dying due to the overdose in the media might make young people feel that using those substances are acceptable. Another reason that should not go unnoticed is that celebrities have negative impact not only on the look and personality but also on their health. To put it in other word, sometimes they present on screens or glamorized advertise with smoking in the media or magazines in an inappropriate way. In fact, it can be an example for supporters everywhere that it is acceptable to smoke. Going into the depth, destructive habit by well-known people not only can destroy mental and physical health but also can contribute to low self-esteem. Indeed, individuals especially youth need to increase their confident and view life differently in order to reach pinnacle of their life. Thirdly, celebrities are not enough experienced or taught people to make suggestions for others. Indeed, people all around the globe need to be advised by knowledgeable people, which can contribute greatly to the progress of them. As a corollary, not only can celebrities mislead people but also can prevent them from making progress and reach success in their personal life. In light of reason elaborated, I reiterate that in today' s hectic world, celebrities could not be reliable and are not able to offer wise opinion owing to their immoral habits, which make them cussed. In fact listen to their ideas could have bring negative results in our lives.
By and large, it
is established
beyond doubt that
celebrities
are the epitome of success for
many
thanks to the publicity they receive from social media and are, more
often
than not, imitated by those who have an insatiable desire for fame. Although they are
widely
adored by all
people
, not all
people
are influenced
by them
equally
. In the following paragraphs
some
convincing reasons will
be delineated
to elaborate my personal stance.

To commence with, for
many
people
they serve as an arbiters taste, morality and public opinion. When
different
kinds of disorders like short term relationships, drugs or alcohol are leading
celebrities
, mature
people
would
think
that this life is not ideal
but
fans of
this
stars
especially
teenagers
disagree.
Generally
phrased,
some
teens are more likely to listen to the word of their favorite
celebrities
than their
own
parents.
For instance
,
many
well-known
people
do not
make
a secret of alcohol or drugs abuse and this can provide fertile ground for youth to mimic immoral behaviors. To elucidate more on this issue, these behaviors by
celebrities
could have deleterious effects on the
people&
#039; s life
especially
children owing to the fact that glamorization of dying due to the overdose in the media might
make
young
people
feel that using those substances are acceptable.

Another reason that should not go unnoticed is that
celebrities
have
negative
impact not
only
on the look and personality
but
also
on their health. To put it in other word,
sometimes
they present on screens or glamorized advertise with smoking in the media or magazines
in an inappropriate way
. In fact, it can be an example for supporters everywhere that it is acceptable to smoke. Going into the depth, destructive habit by well-known
people
not
only
can
destroy
mental and physical health
but
also
can contribute to low self-esteem.
Indeed
, individuals
especially
youth need to increase their confident and view life
differently
in order to reach pinnacle of their life.

Thirdly
,
celebrities
are not
enough
experienced or taught
people
to
make
suggestions for others.
Indeed
,
people
all around the globe need to
be advised
by knowledgeable
people
, which can contribute
greatly
to the progress of them. As a corollary, not
only
can
celebrities
mislead
people
but
also
can
prevent
them from making progress and reach success in their personal life.

In light of reason elaborated, I reiterate that in
today&
#039; s hectic world,
celebrities
could not be reliable and are not able to offer wise opinion owing to their immoral habits, which
make
them cussed. In fact listen to their
ideas
could have
bring
negative
results in our
lives
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay When famous people give their opinion, many people listen. Do you think we should pay attention to these opinions? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
436 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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