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Scientist tell us that some activities are good for health and others are bad Despite knowing that millions of people still continue doing unhealthy activities What are the causes and what are the solutions for this v.1

Scientist tell us that some activities are good for health and others are bad Despite knowing that millions of people still continue doing unhealthy activities What are the causes and what are the solutions for this v. 1
It is argued by some that there are some activities helping to improve our health and others are negative. Although many people realize that fact, they still do unhealthy activities continuously. There are manifold explanations for this tendency in tandem with a variety of solutions. To begin with, there are two culprits leading to the fact that people choose doing unhealthy activities. In terms of/Regarding food, people tend to consume fast food since its convenience. For instance, with eating junk food, people can save time to prepare for breakfast. For a long time, this habit will lead to obesity and other diseases. Furthermore, smoking is also one of the unhealthy activities that most people do. To be specific, smoking has been proven to be the main reason causing lung cancer, however, smokers cannot reduce their dependence on cigarettes because of its addictiveness. Nonetheless, the problems above could be solved if the following steps are taken. Firstly, healthy lifestyles should always broadcast and be promoted in order to improve the awareness of people. As a result, with a sense of self-protection, sooner or later, people would change their negative habits. Secondly, the government should impose higher taxes on cigarettes. Chances are that consumers will not want to spend much money on such things which not only disadvantageously affect on their health but also need a huge amount of money. In conclusion, people still do unhealthy activities in spite of knowing its negative effects stemming from its convenience and addictiveness. However, there are some ways to mitigate adverse effects such as relying on media to enhance people’s awareness and increasing taxes.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
helping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realize that fact, they
still
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
continuously
. There are manifold explanations for this tendency in tandem with a variety of solutions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are two culprits leading to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose
If 'choose' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to do".
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In terms of/Regarding food,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food since its convenience.
For instance
, with eating junk food,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can save time to prepare for breakfast. For a long time, this habit will lead to obesity and other diseases.
Furthermore
, smoking is
also
one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do. To be specific, smoking has
been proven
to be the main reason causing lung cancer,
however
, smokers cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their dependence on cigarettes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its
Possible spelling mistake found.
addictiveness
.

Nonetheless, the problems above could
be solved
if the following steps
are taken
.
Firstly
, healthy lifestyles should always broadcast and
be promoted
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, with a sense of self-protection, sooner or later,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
habits.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose higher taxes on cigarettes. Chances are that consumers will not want to spend much money on such things which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
disadvantageously
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
need a huge amount of money.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
knowing its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects stemming from its convenience and
Possible spelling mistake found.
addictiveness
.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways to mitigate adverse effects such as relying on media to enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness and increasing taxes.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientist tell us that some activities are good for health and others are bad Despite knowing that millions of people still continue doing unhealthy activities What are the causes and what are the solutions for this v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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