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When designing a building, the most important factor is intended use of the building rather than its outward appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

When designing a building, the most important factor is intended use of the building rather than its outward appearance. v. 3
It is widely believed that in design stage of a building, its function should be considered more important than its exterior. While I argue that appearance brings a lot of advantages, I totally agree with this idea. On the one hand, there is no doubt that a magnificent outer space is of significance to a building. From business perspective, appearance of a building can contribute to reputable commercial values. For example, shopping centers use their outward appearance to draw the customers’ attention, so a person who gets a positive first impression with their exterior is more likely to enter the building to ask for services. Therefore, the outlook of the constructions is always regarded as an effective advertising tool that brings considerable revenues for their owners. From cultural perspective, some buildings symbolizing the history of the city they are located in also need to be beautiful from the outside to attract tourists. Take St. Joseph’s Cathedral in Hanoi as an example, visitors not only come there because of cultural meanings but also its unique architecture. On the other hand, it is clear that the function have a fundamental role to play as every construction needs to be safe and comfortable. For instance, a shopping mall has to possess a wide walkway, a good lighting system and adequate emergency exit. Furthermore, each building has its own practical use, so architects have to design it with a view to satisfying the requirements of the building’s users. A theatre, for example, is supposed to have a well-designed sound system and a scientifically-arranged hall so that every in the audience can conveniently enjoy movies or shows. In conclusion, although both factors are important, I concur that without a proper function – based design, the gorgeous appearance of a building is only a waste of investment.
It is
widely
believed that in design stage of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
, its function should
be considered
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than its exterior. While I argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

On the one hand, there is no doubt that a magnificent outer space is of significance to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
. From business perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
can contribute to reputable commercial values.
For example
, shopping centers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their outward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
to draw the customers’ attention,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
first
impression with their exterior is more likely to enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
services.
Therefore
, the outlook of the constructions is always regarded as an effective advertising tool that brings considerable revenues for their owners. From cultural perspective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
symbolizing the history of the city they
are located
in
also
need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
from the outside to attract tourists. Take St. Joseph’s Cathedral in Hanoi as an example, visitors not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of cultural meanings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
its unique architecture.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the function have a fundamental role to play as every construction needs to be safe and comfortable.
For instance
, a shopping mall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
possess a wide walkway, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lighting system and adequate emergency exit.
Furthermore
, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
architects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
design it with a view to satisfying the requirements of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building’s
users. A
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
,
for example
,
is supposed
to have a well-designed sound system and a
scientifically
-arranged hall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that every in the audience can
conveniently
enjoy movies or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.

In conclusion
, although both factors are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, I concur that without a proper function
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
based design, the gorgeous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a waste of investment.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay When designing a building, the most important factor is intended use of the building rather than its outward appearance. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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