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Many people believe that social networking sites(Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree. v.1

Many people believe that social networking sites(Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. v. 1
Whilst, some mankinds argue that cross media Facebook, Instagram and other applications have had a vast adverse effect on both humanity and local communities. However, in my opinion, it is beneficial for people as well as club. But it damages the relationship. I would discuss about both views in the following paragraphs. To begin with, there are myriad reasons. The first and an important reason, it has made easy to communicate with each other. For example, if a person lives faraway from his family then he can easily connect with his family with the help of social mobile. It is cheaper. Moreover, it has reduce the distance; time is saved. Thus, everyone can easily connect with one another owing to these websites; and make more friends. Contrary above to the statement, it has some negative effective on individuals and union. Many people make fake news on these websites; after that they viral it; sometimes it creates great issues in mankind's life, which is harmful for some individuals. Furthermore, these days, most of masses spend their precious time on these social communication, they waste their time and they procrastination their work day by day. For this reason, they do not achieve their goal easily. In addition, individuals do not take participate in any local activity; during this purpose relationship is less since people do not meet each other face to face. In the conclusion, it has both positive and uncooperative impact on humankind and group. Social networking websites have beneficial of individuals and local communities such as easy to communication, time saved. But it has also negative influence, it damages the relationship among people.
Whilst,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
mankinds
argue that cross media Facebook, Instagram and other applications have had a vast adverse effect on both humanity and local communities.
However
, in my opinion, it is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as club.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it damages the relationship. I would
Did you mean simply "discuss both"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about both
views in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are myriad reasons. The
first
and an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason, it has made easy to communicate with each other.
For example
, if a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
faraway from his family then he can
easily
connect with his family with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of social mobile. It is cheaper.
Moreover
, it has
Use past participle here: "reduced".
reduce
the distance;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is saved
.
Thus
, everyone can
easily
connect with one another owing to these websites; and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more friends.

Contrary above to the statement, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effective on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and union.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fake news on these websites; after that they viral it;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it creates great issues in mankind's life, which is harmful for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
Furthermore
, these days,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the masses") or simply say "most masses".
most of masses
spend their precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on these social communication, they waste their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they procrastination
their work day by day.
For this reason
, they do not achieve their goal
easily
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
do not take participate in any local activity; during this purpose relationship is less since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each other face to face.

In the conclusion, it has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and uncooperative impact on humankind and group. Social networking websites have beneficial of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and local communities such as easy to communication,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
saved.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it has
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence, it damages the relationship among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that social networking sites(Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on individuals and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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