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As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution. v.2

As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution. v. 2
Children are the building blocks of the society and their health is equally important. As understood, these days children lack outdoor activities as compared to the old days when there were no computers and TV. I am going to explain the possible causes and solution of this issue in the upcoming paragraphs. At first, there is no doubt if children are sitting for a long time, especially indoors, it would always have a negative impact on their bodies. As they are opting to stay inside and enjoy playing games on their computers and watch new TV shows thanks to applications like Netflix. For instance, if children tend to stay indoor soon it will weaken their backbones with the lack of joint and muscle movements. Consequently, it will cause all sorts of body aches. Also, staying indoors will lessen the chances of social interaction, which is the potential reason causing anxiety and depression in youngsters these days. With all the possible solutions to tackle the problem, nothing could be more vital than parenteral teaching in a wiser manner. For example, parents can be less strict when it comes to their children and they can fix their timings for watching TV or for playing games on computers and should encourage them to go out and play outdoor games with their friends. Secondly, in schools, their teachers can encourage them to sign up for games like basketball, football or swimming, where children can have maximum physical movements. Eventually, it will help younger kids to have a fit and healthy future. To sum up, I believe that spending more time outdoors is indeed bringing more pros. In looking from the side of excess indoor activities would definitely cause harmful effects to our body. Parents play a vital role in nurturing children with the importance of outdoor entertainment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the building blocks of the society and their health is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. As understood, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities as compared to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days when there were no computers and TV. I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the possible causes and solution of this issue in the upcoming paragraphs.

At
first
, there is no doubt if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are sitting for a long time,
especially
indoors, it would always have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their bodies. As they are opting to stay inside and enjoy playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on their computers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
new TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
thanks to applications like Netflix.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
indoor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
it will weaken their backbones with the lack of joint and muscle movements.
Consequently
, it will cause all sorts of body aches.
Also
, staying indoors will lessen the chances of social interaction, which is the potential reason causing anxiety and depression in youngsters these days.

With all the possible solutions to tackle the problem, nothing could be more vital than
Possible spelling mistake found.
parenteral
teaching in a wiser manner.
For example
, parents can be less strict when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
their timings for watching TV or for playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computers and should encourage them to go out and play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with their friends.
Secondly
, in schools, their teachers can encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like basketball, football or swimming, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can have maximum physical movements.
Eventually
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
younger kids to have a fit and healthy future.

To sum up, I believe that spending more time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoors
is
indeed
bringing more pros. In looking from the side of excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
indoor
activities would definitely cause harmful effects to our body. Parents play a vital role in nurturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
entertainment.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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