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When choosing a job, the salary is the most important thing to consider. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important thing to consider. v. 1
Job selection is an important decision that we all make in our lives. Some people think that the amount of the salary offered to them is the key factor in choosing a job. Personally, although I accept that money is an essential factor in deciding on a career, I believe that other considerations are also equally important. On the one hand, I agree that money is necessary in order for people to meet their basic needs. We all need money to pay for housing, food, bills, health care, and education. Most people consider it a priority to at least earn a salary that allows them to cover these needs and have a reasonable quality of life. If people chose their jobs based on enjoyment or other non-financial factors, they might find it difficult to support themselves. Artists and musicians, for instance, are known for choosing a career path that they love, yet most of them struggle financially. So, it is clear that we should think about the financial aspect of a job before choosing it. On the other hand, I believe that other factors are just as important as salary. One such factor in choosing a job is personal relationships at work. This is because people spend a great deal of time with their colleagues on a daily basis, so the way people are treated at work has a considerable impact on their well-being. Having a friendly and supportive manager or boss, for example, can make a huge difference to workers’ levels of happiness and general quality of life. Another factor is career advancement. Many job candidates care more about the possible professional achievements, the skills they could learn, and the position they could reach, rather than the money offered to them. To illustrate, someone dreaming of becoming an editor-in-chief normally has to start working as a reporter with a lower salary. For this person, salary may not be definitely not the most important issue. In conclusion, while salaries certainly affect people’s choice of profession, I do not believe that money outweighs all other motivators. I would therefore recommend that every individual should ponder all aspects of the job they want to apply for.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
selection is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decision that we all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the amount of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
offered to them is the key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Personally
, although I accept that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in deciding on a career, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
considerations are
also
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is necessary in order for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic needs. We all need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to pay for housing, food, bills, health care, and education. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider it a priority to at least earn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to cover these needs and have a reasonable quality of life. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
based on enjoyment or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
non-financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
, they might find it difficult to support themselves. Artists and musicians,
for instance
,
are known
for choosing a career path that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
,
yet
most of them struggle
financially
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the financial aspect of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
choosing it.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. One such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is personal relationships at work. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend a great deal of time with their colleagues on a daily basis,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are treated
at work has a considerable impact on their well-being. Having a friendly and supportive manager or boss,
for example
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge difference to workers’ levels of happiness and general quality of life. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
is career advancement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
candidates care more about the possible professional achievements, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they could learn, and the position they could reach,
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
offered to them. To illustrate, someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "dreams", "dreamed", "dreamt".
dreaming
of becoming an editor-in-chief
normally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working as a reporter with a lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. For this person,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
may not be definitely not the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
certainly
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
choice of profession, I do not believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
outweighs all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
motivators. I would
therefore
recommend that every individual should ponder all aspects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they want to apply for.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is the most important thing to consider. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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