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When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.8

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 8
People with fame are increasingly under pressure to give back to the society, because, it is believed they have acquired a lot through the help of the communities where they come from. An opinion has it that being an actor or an athlete brings more problems than benefits and this essay agrees with this. Firstly, as an athlete, your privacy cannot be guaranteed. Every move is scrutinized by the general public. For example, when they visit places such as malls, restaurants, cinemas etc. They are always under the spotlight. Even the privacy of the immediate family is also under constant watch, including the clothes they put on. This puts enormous pressure on the athlete or actor, making he or she feel insecure thereby, hiring security guards to protect himself or herself. Secondly, the weight of expectation is so much on these celebrities. People are constantly requesting for financial help from them and this puts their own finances at risk. For example, fans usually request for scholarships for educational purpose, others may even ask for money to feed themselves. With this constant request, the celebrity won't be able to invest or save their monies leading them to financial instability and consequently bankruptcy which could have been avoided in the first place. In conclusion, being a celebrity is a wonderful experience and giving back to the society is part of what is expected of them. However, the community needs to understand that they are also humans who need to be treated equally without being subjected to circumstances that may lead them into abject poverty.
People
with fame are
increasingly
under pressure to give back to the society,
because
, it
is believed
they have acquired a lot through the
help
of the communities where they
come
from. An opinion has it that being an actor or an athlete brings more problems than benefits and this essay
agrees
with this.

Firstly
, as an athlete, your privacy cannot
be guaranteed
. Every
move
is scrutinized
by the
general public
.
For example
, when they visit places such as malls, restaurants, cinemas etc. They are always under the spotlight. Even the privacy of the immediate family is
also
under constant
watch
, including the clothes they put on. This puts enormous pressure on the athlete or actor, making he or she
feel
insecure thereby, hiring security guards to protect himself or herself.

Secondly
, the weight of expectation is
so
much on these celebrities.
People
are
constantly
requesting for financial
help
from them and this puts their
own
finances at
risk
.
For example
, fans
usually
request for scholarships for educational purpose, others may even
ask for
money to feed themselves. With this constant request, the celebrity won't be able to invest or save their monies leading them to financial instability and
consequently
bankruptcy which could have
been avoided
in the
first
place.

In conclusion
, being a celebrity is a wonderful experience and giving back to the society is part of what is
expected
of them.
However
, the community needs to understand that they are
also
humans who need to
be treated
equally
without
being subjected
to circumstances that may lead them into abject poverty.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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