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When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree of disagree? v.2

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 2
Salaries are what workers recieve in exchange for a work that has been done, which is why salary is thought to be one of the things that needs to be considered in looking for jobs. While this is the case, I personally believe that there are also some instances when the pay is not of a value. First, it is sometimes true to me that salary should be considered in choosing a job. Everyone needs to have money in order to afford one's basic necessities, such as food and shelter, especially if you are someone who brings food to the table in the family. For instance, a few Filipinos, despite having good job positions in the Philippines, sometimes would opt to work overseas because of having good pay offers. Due to some unfavorable situations, such as poverty, people, hence look for higher paid jobs. While the first information is true to some, there are also others who are after the satisfaction and empowerment. In an undergraduate research, it is believed that highly satisfied workers tend to last more in the workplace than those who are not. These workers tend to feel that they are being supported by their superiors and are also concerned about their well-being. My friend, to illustrate, lasted a couple of years in her work as a nurse as she is pleased with how her superiors treat her. In turn, she was able to deliver care to her respective clients effeciently, hence satisfaction is also one of the things to consider. To put it in a nutshell, both the monetary compensation and satisfaction are the things that needs to be considered in looking for jobs. Money can buy the basic needs that one has to buy, while satisfaction can lead to efficient products,
Salaries are what workers
Possible spelling mistake found.
recieve
in exchange for a work that has
been done
, which is why salary is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be one of the things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
be considered
in looking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. While this is the case, I
personally
believe that there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
instances when the pay is not of a value.

First
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
true to me that salary should
be considered
in choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to have money in order to afford one's
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
, such as food and shelter,
especially
if you are someone who brings food to the table in the family.
For instance
, a few Filipinos, despite having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions in the Philippines,
The adverb 'sometimes' is usually put between 'would' and 'opt'.
sometimes would opt
to work overseas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
pay offers. Due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unfavorable situations, such as poverty,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
hence
look for higher paid jobs.

While the
first
information is true to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, there are
also
others who are after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
and empowerment. In an undergraduate research, it
is believed
that
highly
satisfied workers tend to last more in the workplace than those who are not. These workers tend to feel that they are
being supported
by their superiors and are
also
concerned about their well-being. My friend, to illustrate, lasted a couple of years in her work as a nurse as she is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
with how her superiors treat her. In turn, she was able to deliver care to her respective clients
Possible spelling mistake found.
effeciently
,
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
is
also
one of the things to consider.

To put it in a nutshell, both the monetary compensation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
are the things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
be considered
in looking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Money can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
that one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfaction
can lead to efficient products,
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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