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Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v.11

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v. 11
ONE OF THE MOST CONSPICUOUS TREND IN TODAY'S WORLD IS ONLINE SHOPPING, SUCH AS BOOKS, AIR TICKETS AND GROCERIES. IN MY OPINION, THERE ARE A NUMBER OF FACTORS THAT EXPLAIN WHY ONLINE SHOPPING ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES. THERE ARE SEVERAL REASONS WHY SHOPPING ON INTERNET IS BENEFICIAL. FIRST AND FOREMOST IS IT SAVES TIME. SHOPPING THROUGH INTERNET ALLOW PERSON TO CHECK OUT PRODUCT AND PRICES AT ALL THE PLACES AND TIME. IN THE LEISURE TIME PERON CAN CHECK OUT THE NEEDY THINGS LIKE GROCERIES ON THE INTERNET. HE DOESN'T HAVE TO GO OUT AT STORE TO FIND THE THING HE WANTS AND THE DOOR DELIVERY SAVES TIME. SECONDLY, ONLINE SHOPPING OFFERS EXCITING DISCOUNTS AS A RESULT IT SAVES MONEY. ONLINE SHOPPING OFFERS A COUPLE OF PAYMENT OPTIONS WITH DIFFERENT DISCOUNT ON EACH OPTION. BY CHOOSING A PARTICULAR PAYMENT METHOD PERSON CAN BENEFIT THE DISCOUNT. ON THE OTHER HAND, SHOPPING ONLINE BRINGS CONSUMERS SOME DISADVANTAGES. SINCE PEOPLE ARE UNABLE TO TOUCH THE PRODUCT THEY WANT TO BUY IN REALITY, IT IS REALLY HARD TO EXAMINE THE QUALITY OF THE PRODUCTS. CONSEQUENTLY, THEY MIGHT PURCHASE THE ITEMS WITH POOR QUALITY. MOREOVER WIDE RANGE OF PRODUCTS IN ONLINE SHOPS OFTEN CONFUSE PEOPLE. IN OTHER WORDS, BUYER SEES SAME PRODUCT IN SEVERAL SHOPS BUT THE WITH DIFFERENT PRICES RANGING FROM REASONABLE TO EXPENSIVE PRICE. SUBSEQUENTLY, THEY WILL NOT KNOW WHAT WHICH PRODUCT THEY SHOULD BUY. TO CONCLUDE, ALTHOUGH THERE ARE SOME DISADVANTAGES OF SHOPPING ONLINE WHILE TAKING ADVANTAGES INTO CONSIDERATION THE ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES.
ONE OF THE MOST CONSPICUOUS TREND IN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
TODAY
'S WORLD IS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ONLINE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SHOPPING
, SUCH AS BOOKS, AIR TICKETS AND GROCERIES. IN MY OPINION, THERE ARE A NUMBER OF FACTORS THAT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
EXPLAIN
WHY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ONLINE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SHOPPING
ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES.

THERE ARE SEVERAL REASONS WHY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SHOPPING
ON INTERNET IS BENEFICIAL.
FIRST
AND FOREMOST IS IT SAVES
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SHOPPING
THROUGH INTERNET
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ALLOW
PERSON TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CHECK
OUT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PRODUCT
AND PRICES AT ALL THE PLACES AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
. IN THE LEISURE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
PERON CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CHECK
OUT THE NEEDY THINGS LIKE GROCERIES ON THE INTERNET. HE DOESN'T
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
HAVE TO
GO OUT AT STORE TO FIND THE THING HE WANTS AND THE DOOR DELIVERY SAVES
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
.
SECONDLY
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ONLINE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SHOPPING
OFFERS EXCITING DISCOUNTS
AS A RESULT
IT SAVES MONEY.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ONLINE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SHOPPING
OFFERS A COUPLE OF PAYMENT OPTIONS WITH
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DIFFERENT
DISCOUNT ON EACH OPTION. BY CHOOSING A PARTICULAR PAYMENT METHOD PERSON CAN BENEFIT THE DISCOUNT.

ON THE OTHER HAND
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SHOPPING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ONLINE
BRINGS CONSUMERS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
DISADVANTAGES. SINCE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
ARE UNABLE TO TOUCH THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PRODUCT
THEY WANT TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BUY
IN REALITY, IT IS
REALLY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HARD
TO EXAMINE THE QUALITY OF THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PRODUCTS
.
CONSEQUENTLY
, THEY MIGHT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PURCHASE
THE ITEMS WITH POOR QUALITY.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
MOREOVER
WIDE RANGE OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PRODUCTS
IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ONLINE
SHOPS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OFTEN
CONFUSE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
.
IN OTHER WORDS
, BUYER
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SEES
SAME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PRODUCT
IN SEVERAL SHOPS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
THE WITH
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DIFFERENT
PRICES RANGING FROM REASONABLE TO EXPENSIVE PRICE.
SUBSEQUENTLY
, THEY WILL NOT KNOW WHAT WHICH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PRODUCT
THEY SHOULD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BUY
.

TO CONCLUDE
, ALTHOUGH THERE ARE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
DISADVANTAGES OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SHOPPING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ONLINE
WHILE TAKING ADVANTAGES INTO CONSIDERATION THE ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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