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The graphs below show the number of visitors to two cities in a given year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant v.1

The graphs below show the number of visitors to two cities in a given year.
Presently in developed countries, the number of overweight children is increasing. This essay will discuss the reasons for this increase and the results of this problem. One's diet goes a long way in determining a person's body weight and health outcomes. Nowadays, junk food has become more popular and readily available in homes. Therefore, young people need a lot of discipline to eat healthy meals. As an illustration, an increase in the amount of calories consumed significantly increases the chances of being overweight. Also, children are no longer interested in exercises rather, they engage in sedentary lifestyle as they eat, read, watch television and play games which in turn reduces the absorption of fat and get deposited under the skin leading to massive weight gain. This trend has many disadvantages ranging from high risk of developing chronic diseases and sudden death due to blockage of blood vessels by fat as in atherosclerosis. For example, comparing the figures in 200, there have been about sixty percent increase in the incidence of childhood hypertension, obesity and diabetes in the United Kingdom in 2019. Again, this increase will lead to more stress on the health facilities in these countries. Hence, developed countries will spend more of their income on health care. For example, there has been a rise in emergencies in children in developed countries in the last decade. In conclusion, a lot of problems are pending for developing countries if appropriate measures are not taken to cut the increasing number of overweight children. This can be done by increasing taxes on these kind of products.
Presently
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is increasing. This essay will discuss the reasons for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
and the results of this problem.

One's diet goes a long way in determining a person's body weight and health outcomes. Nowadays, junk food has become more popular and
readily
available in homes.
Therefore
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
discipline to eat healthy meals. As an illustration, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the amount of calories consumed
significantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
the chances of being overweight.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are no longer interested in exercises
rather
, they engage in sedentary lifestyle as they eat, read,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television and play games which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the absorption of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deposited under the skin leading to massive weight gain.

This trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages ranging from high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of developing chronic diseases and sudden death due to blockage of blood vessels by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
as in atherosclerosis.
For example
, comparing the figures in 200, there have been about sixty percent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the incidence of childhood hypertension, obesity and diabetes in the United Kingdom in 2019. Again, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
will lead to more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on the health facilities in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Hence
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will spend more of their income on health care.
For example
, there has been a rise in emergencies in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the last decade.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems are pending for developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
if appropriate measures are not taken to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the increasing number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This can
be done
by increasing taxes on
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of products.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graphs below show the number of visitors to two cities in a given year.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • The graphs below show the number of visitors to two cities in a given year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant v.1