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When a country develops its technology the traditional skills and ways of life die out It is pointless to try and keep them alive v.2

When a country develops its technology the traditional skills and ways of life die out It is pointless to try and keep them alive v. 2
Technological development of a country makes the nation to feel proud. The advancement of science is being deviated because of some people. This argument has both positives and negatives according to my thoughts which can be explained in the following passage. On one hand, the improvement of modern methods always allows people to develop their career. At the same time, technological development in a country increases its employment opportunities to individuals. Also, it reduces the poverty of a nation. Many advantages are there with improvement in technology. Accordingly, people will never forget their customs wherever they live. Additionally, innovations have reduced human effort in many activities. For example, after existence of appliances like washing machines, vacuum cleaner’s humans reduced most of their effort in a daily life. On the other hand, irrespective to technology young generation are getting attracted to different clothing style and fashion. This is all because of various advertisements and movies. But, advancement in technology never spoil a nations tradition. In addition, there are some people who use this innovation in a negative way. People go in wrong ways to make money like selling harmful drugs. Consequently, few people are even using social websites for many bad activities. Indeed, Individuals are using their knowledge for wrong works. For instance, people are texting bad words to some people through internet. The government authorities should take proper regulations and action on these negative people who are spreading unpleasant actions in society. After having considered all the above discussed points, we can finally draw a conclusion that technology development in a country never makes the people to leave their culture. Individuals are getting motivated to different lifestyles because of other avigation’s such as internet and films.
Technological development of a country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the nation to feel proud. The advancement of science is
being deviated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This argument has both positives and negatives according to my thoughts which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following passage.

On one hand, the improvement of modern methods always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to develop their career. At the same time, technological development in a country increases its employment opportunities to individuals.
Also
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the poverty of a nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
advantages are there with improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Accordingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will never forget their customs wherever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Additionally
, innovations have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
human effort in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities.
For example
, after existence of appliances like washing machines, vacuum cleaner’s humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
most of their effort in a daily life.

On the other hand
, irrespective to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
young generation are getting attracted to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
clothing style and fashion. This is all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of various advertisements and movies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
never spoil a
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "nations'" or "nation's"?
nations
tradition.
In addition
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this innovation in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
go in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money like selling harmful drugs.
Consequently
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are even using social websites for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
activities.
Indeed
, Individuals are using their knowledge for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
works.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are texting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
words to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through internet. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities should take proper regulations and action on these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are spreading unpleasant actions in society.

After having considered all the above discussed points, we can
finally
draw a conclusion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
development in a country never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their culture. Individuals are getting motivated to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lifestyles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of other
Possible spelling mistake found.
avigation
’s such as internet and films.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay When a country develops its technology the traditional skills and ways of life die out It is pointless to try and keep them alive v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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