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Wearing uniforms is popular in schools, but some people argue that it might cause damage to children's individuality. What is your opinion? v.2

Wearing uniforms is popular in schools, but some people argue that it might cause damage to children's individuality. What is your opinion? v. 2
Uniforms are often regarded as an integral part of various educational institutions today. In my opinion, far from eliminating individuality, students can derive huge benefits from wearing uniforms. To begin with, one obvious advantage that wearing uniforms brings about is the lower rates of bullying problems linked to clothes. There is no doubt that each school consists of a myriad of students from different family backgrounds, of which those from affluent households are able to show off the most stylish outfits. This has led to the fact that less fortunate students feel inferior to others and sometimes they become the victims of bullying due to their ordinary clothes. Thanks to the use of uniforms, bullies are effortlessly tackled and the economic discrepancy between students is no longer a thorny issue. Accordingly, uniforms contribute to promoting unity among children. Meanwhile, some children claim that wearing uniforms would limit their individuality and by wearing regular clothes are they entitled to express their personality. However, it is academic knowledge that should be placed emphasis on when it comes to school instead of expression of egoism. In fact, if children can wear any kinds of clothes, then there is a rise in the competition for becoming the trendiest one in their schools and their academic performance is likely to be sacrificed as a consequence. Briefly, wearing similar clothes enables students to focus on their main targets of going to schools apart from other external factors. To sum up, I would have to reiterate the importance of school uniforms. On the grounds that they encourage a sense of unity and concentration of school-goers, I believe that wearing them should be maintained as a rule.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Uniforms
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
regarded as an integral part of various educational institutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. In my opinion, far from eliminating individuality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can derive huge benefits from wearing uniforms.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one obvious advantage that wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
brings about is the lower rates of bullying problems linked to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. There is no doubt that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
consists of a myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
family backgrounds, of which those from affluent households are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off the most stylish outfits. This has led to the fact that less fortunate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
feel inferior to others and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they become the victims of bullying due to their ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. Thanks to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
, bullies are
effortlessly
tackled and the economic discrepancy between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is no longer a thorny issue.
Accordingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
contribute to promoting unity among children.

Meanwhile,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children claim that wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
would limit their individuality and by wearing regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
are they entitled to express their personality.
However
, it is academic knowledge that should
be placed
emphasis on when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
instead
of expression of egoism. In fact, if children can wear any kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, then there is a rise in the competition for becoming the trendiest one in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and their academic performance is likely to
be sacrificed
as a consequence.
Briefly
, wearing similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to focus on their main targets of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
apart from other external factors.

To sum up, I would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
reiterate the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
. On the grounds that they encourage a sense of unity and concentration of school-goers, I believe that wearing them should
be maintained
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Wearing uniforms is popular in schools, but some people argue that it might cause damage to children's individuality. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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