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When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. v.29

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. v. 29
The multi-dimensional advancement in technology is a continuous process and it changes the way people live in the society. The development of the technologies improves the quality of life and efficiency of work environments. However, the concern by some, that these technologies replace traditional culture and skills does not hold good. The base for my views is social, professional and economical. From the social perspective, the societies are continuously improving and aligning to the needs of the new generations. As a nation advances with newer innovations in technologies, its social life also improves. Although the traditional culture and skills are important to the previous generations, it becomes obsolete when a better skill is available. For instance, the telegraph is replaced by fax because it is faster. Similarly, people are moving away from traditional postal service to use instant email service. This shows the shift in society towards advanced lifestyle. From a professional perspective, technologies are replacing the way people work in everyday life. The state of the art technical devices help the business and work environments to carry their work more efficiently. For example, computers are used for accounting can do the job much faster than manual accounting. From an economic point of view, the technologies improve the business processes and reduce the cost of manufacturing, thus saving a great amount of money for the companies. Similarly, these technologies also reduce the cost of living for individuals compared to the traditional approach. For instance, people using teleconference or video-conference to conduct a meeting is much cheaper than the traditional way of meeting in a physical room. In conclusion, the tradition is what we live today. Yesterday's tradition will be replaced by today's lifestyle, and so today's tradition will be replaced by tomorrow's skills. We must adopt the new skills and technologies and archive the old ones as our valuable history. That's the way the society evolves!
The multi-dimensional advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is a continuous process and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the quality of life and efficiency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environments.
However
, the concern by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
does not hold
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. The base for my views is social, professional and economical.

From the social perspective, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
are
continuously
improving and aligning to the needs of the new generations. As a nation advances with newer innovations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, its social life
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the previous generations, it becomes obsolete when a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is available.
For instance
, the telegraph
is replaced
by fax
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is faster.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are moving away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
postal service to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
instant email service. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the shift in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
towards advanced lifestyle.

From a professional perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are replacing the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in everyday life. The
Did you mean "state-of-the-art"?
state of the art
technical devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the business and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environments to carry their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
efficiently
.
For example
, computers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for accounting can do the job much faster than manual accounting.

From an economic point of view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the business processes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the cost of manufacturing,
thus
saving a great amount of money for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Similarly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the cost of living for individuals compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
approach.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using teleconference or video-conference to conduct a meeting is much cheaper than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
way of meeting in a physical room.

In conclusion
, the tradition is what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Yesterday's tradition will
be replaced
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's lifestyle, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's tradition will
be replaced
by tomorrow's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
adopt the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and archive the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ones as our valuable history. That's the way the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
evolves!
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. v. 29

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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