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When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.16

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion? v. 16
Disparity in salaries of employees is a highly debated topic in many countries. While some believe certain employees earning much higher salaries than others is beneficial for a country, others, however, feel government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. In this write up I discuss both views and opine why I think paying higher salaries for certain performing individuals makes sense. We live times where employees as well as companies are fighting to stay ahead of their respective competitions. On one hand, individuals are competing to outperform one another for better career prospects and on the other hand, companies are trying to hire the best resources to outgrow their rivals. In such a scenario, the invisible hand of the free market incentivizes companies to pay extravagant salaries to a select critical resource and at the same time the nation also benefits as tax collections increase. However, we must take into account, that to pay super high salaries to certain employees, companies usually layoff individuals from lower hierarchies. This poses a problem to especially countries where a large number of workforce enters the market routinely. As jobs in the lower rungs dwindle, purchasing power of the population diminishes, which in turn creates a demand slump thus slowing growth of the economy. It is in this context some believe that a sealing should be put on the amount to be given as salaries. I for one think that companies and individuals both are better placed when salary amounts match the performance of the employee. It keeps the workforce motivated to take more risks and work harder on their jobs. Also, putting a sealing on salaries would limit the options for employees to strive for better pay packages. At the same time, companies would fail to attract the right talent for the job. In conclusion, I would say government interference in limiting or deciding pay packages would be detrimental to both companies and employees. Government should rather encourage companies to pass on the share of profits to its workforce for bringing a parity in salaries.
Disparity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
is a
highly
debated topic in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
earning much higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
than others is beneficial for a country, others,
however
, feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
and limit the amount
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can earn. In this
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
write up
I discuss both views and opine why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
paying higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
for certain performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sense.

We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
It is better to use 'times' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "times when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
times where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are fighting to stay ahead of their respective competitions. On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are competing to outperform one another for better career prospects and
on the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are trying to hire the best resources to outgrow their rivals. In such a scenario, the invisible hand of the free market incentivizes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
extravagant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
to a select critical resource and at the same time the nation
also
benefits as tax collections increase.

However
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take into account, that to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
super high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
to certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
usually
layoff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
from lower hierarchies. This poses a problem to
especially
countries where
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
workforce enters the market
routinely
. As jobs in the lower rungs dwindle, purchasing power of the population diminishes, which in turn creates a demand slump
thus
slowing growth of the economy. It is in this context
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that a sealing should
be put
on the amount to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
as salaries.

I for one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
both are better placed when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
amounts match the performance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the workforce motivated to take more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and work harder on their jobs.
Also
, putting a sealing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
would limit the options for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to strive for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
packages. At the same time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
would fail to attract the right talent for the job.

In conclusion
, I would say
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
interference in limiting or deciding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
packages would be detrimental to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
rather
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to pass on the share of profits to its workforce for bringing a parity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion? v. 16

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
346 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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