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Some people advocate death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of death penalty and give your opinion. v.5

Some people advocate death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of death penalty and give your opinion. v. 5
Correction It has been discovered recently that the world temperature has gradually increased which in turn has become a threat to people and their environment. This write up will discuss the likely causes in the world temperature, the necessary steps to be taken by the government and individual for better living. Firstly, the global warming is as a result of increase in the concentration of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere which is as a result of many factors such as deforestation - a process by which trees are being cut down. For example, the cutting down of trees to make firewood, furniture and so on will reduce the utilization of carbon-dioxide which the plants or tree needs to thrive. In addition, the availability of more industries in our society has resulted in production of more carbonic acid gas to the environment. For example, lack of of chimney in most industries has engrossed the surroundings with Co2. Furthermore, air pollution as a result of smoke generation from burning of waste, exhaust from fuel utilization and so on has has contributed predominantly to the depletion of the ozone layer thereby causing heat to the planet. Nevertheless, the reason for changes in temperature needs to be urgently attended to by both the government and individual. For example, during the tenure of former Governor of Lagos state, Nigeria, in the person of Babatunde Fashola, encouraged and mandated the planting of flowers and trees all over the state, so as to reduce the level of gases in the atmosphere. Moreover, the ruling body needs to put a policy in place to reduce the rate at which the trees in the forest are being cut down. The use of cars by an individual should be minimized unless it is necessary, instead boarding a train or public transport will help to reduce air pollution. Also, constant power supply will reduce the consumption of fuel in generators. In summary, the state and individual have a great role to play in order to live in a conducive environment. The general input to the depletion of the ozone layer needs immediate attention to minimize its detrimental effect. In conclusion, the planting of trees, constant power supply, solar utilization, good road and water transport system will help to combat the global warming and makes the planet more conducive to live in.
Correction

It has
been discovered
recently that the world temperature has
gradually
increased which in turn has become a threat to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and their environment.
The verb 'write' is plural. Did you mean: "This writes"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This write
up will discuss the likely causes in the world temperature, the necessary steps to
be taken
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
for better living.

Firstly
, the global warming is
as a result
of increase in the concentration of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere which is
as a result
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors such as deforestation
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a process by which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down.
For example
, the cutting down of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
firewood, furniture and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the utilization of carbon-dioxide which the plants or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to thrive.
In addition
, the availability of more industries in our society has resulted in production of more carbonic acid gas to the environment.
For example
, lack
Possible typo: you repeated a word
of of
chimney in most industries has engrossed the surroundings with Co2.
Furthermore
, air pollution
as a result
of smoke generation from burning of waste, exhaust from fuel utilization and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
Possible typo: you repeated a word
has has
contributed
predominantly
to the depletion of the ozone layer thereby causing heat to the planet.
Nevertheless
, the reason for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in temperature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to be
urgently
attended to by both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
.
For example
, during the tenure of former Governor of Lagos state, Nigeria, in the person of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Babatunde
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fashola
, encouraged and mandated the planting of flowers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
all over the state,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the level of gases in the atmosphere.

Moreover
, the ruling body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to put a policy in place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the rate at which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
in the forest are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cars by an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
should
be minimized
unless it is necessary,
instead
boarding a train or public transport will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
air pollution.
Also
, constant power supply will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the consumption of fuel in generators.

In summary, the state and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
have a great role to play in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a conducive environment. The general input to the depletion of the ozone layer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
immediate attention to minimize its detrimental effect.
In conclusion
, the planting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
, constant power supply, solar utilization,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
road and water transport system will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to combat the global warming and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the planet more conducive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people advocate death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of death penalty and give your opinion. v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
390 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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