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Families who do not send their children to government-financed schools should not be required to pay taxes that support universal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Families who do not send their children to government-financed schools should not be required to pay taxes that support universal education. with this statement? v. 1
It is widespread discussed that whether senior managerial officials in an enterprise should have a higher wage rate compared to other personnel who work in the same place. I completely agree with the viewpoint that senior one should earn more. To begin with, offering more remuneration to workers in managerial level can be beneficial to the company. The competitions among firms are so fierce that they will try to attract manger staffs in other companies by giving them better package. The experience of management professionals is so valuable to the companies since managerial skills can only be trained by years of practical experience so losing a experienced staff can have a huge impact on an enterprise. As a result, paying staffs with higher salaries is an effective approach to retain management staff so as to avoid potential loss of expertise to the firm. Moreover, the better wage rate for those who work as leading position is also beneficial to themselves. Staffs handsomely paid will tend to be more stable, avoiding job jumping. This is because they do not need to switch jobs in order to bargain for better salaries. Consequently, they will be so loyal to the firm that the corporation will reward them with a promising career path. For example, the upcoming new CEO of Alibaba is one of the most long-servicing member in the company, working for more than one decade in it. This trend is also common in other enterprise. The reason behind is that, only if a manager works in the same company for many years, can s/he be skilful enough to take up a more important position In conclusion, I totally agree that experienced management experts should have a higher pay compared with other staffs as it is beneficial to both the firm and the staff himself.
It is widespread discussed that whether senior managerial officials in an enterprise should have a higher wage rate compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
personnel who work in the same place. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the viewpoint that senior one should earn more.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, offering more remuneration to workers in managerial level can be beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. The competitions among firms are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
fierce that they will try to attract manger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
by giving them better package. The experience of management professionals is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
valuable to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
since managerial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be trained
by years of practical experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
losing
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
can have a huge impact on an enterprise.
As a result
, paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
with higher salaries is an effective approach to retain management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
avoid potential loss of expertise to the firm.

Moreover
, the better wage rate for those who work as leading position is
also
beneficial to themselves.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Staffs
handsomely
paid will tend to be more stable, avoiding job jumping. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not need to switch jobs in order to bargain for better salaries.
Consequently
, they will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
loyal to the firm that the corporation will reward them with a promising career path.
For example
, the upcoming new CEO of Alibaba is one of the most long-servicing member in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, working for more than one decade in it. This trend is
also
common in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
enterprise. The reason behind is that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if a manager works in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years, can s/he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to take up a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
position


In conclusion
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that experienced management experts should have a higher pay compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
as it is beneficial to both the firm and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
himself.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Families who do not send their children to government-financed schools should not be required to pay taxes that support universal education. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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