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What would you miss most about home if you are abroad? Why would you miss it the most? Include details and examples to support your explanation. v.1

What would you miss most about home if you are abroad? Why would you miss it the most? Include details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1
With the agricultural innovation, farmers today are able to facilitate their labour much better than ever before, however, some certain farmers still struggle to feed their family. This trend is mainly caused by the sickness that they often get in their region and the land that is not oriented for farming. Despite the disadvantages they possess, there are still a number of implementations that can be introduced to tackle to the issue of poverty. To begin with, people suffer from sickness that they cannot control themselves easily that reduce the labour population in the region. In developing countries like Africa, for instance, have issues of disorders, such as HIV/AIDS and malaria that often kill people. The morbidity and mortality rates are very high and many people are unable to work even if they have better agricultural systems than in the past. Setting better hygiene and providing health education for local people, thus, will prevent them from being sick. If local farmers can obtain knowledge how to avoid being infected HIV/AIDS, or malaria, more people will be able to perform better in farms that will make more profits for their family and the local community. Another problem that people are still in poverty is that the land they habit is not simply oriented for farming activities. The soil could be not fertile enough for vegetations, or the community may have more natural disasters like droughts, floods or cyclones. The farmers who live in those lands, however, have other options. Bangladesh, for example, was also a farming country to make cottons and tea even though they experienced heavy cyclones almost every year that ruined their plantations. They decided to reorient their business into sewing and selling their handicrafts in the global market that improved their standards in a short period. To sum up, many farmers do not enjoy the development of agricultural technology and they stay poor due to the epidemic. Only when they get health guidance and hygiene education and think about changing their business, will the problem of the poverty solved.
With the agricultural innovation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are able to facilitate their
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
still
struggle to feed their family. This trend is
mainly
caused by the sickness that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in their region and the land
that is
not oriented for farming. Despite the disadvantages they possess, there are
still
a number of implementations that can
be introduced
to tackle to the issue of poverty.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from sickness that they cannot control themselves
easily
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
population in the region. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
like Africa,
for instance
, have issues of disorders, such as HIV/AIDS and malaria that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
kill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The morbidity and mortality rates are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to work even if they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
agricultural systems than in the past. Setting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
hygiene and providing health education for local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
thus
, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from being sick. If local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
can obtain knowledge how to avoid
being infected
HIV/AIDS, or malaria, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in farms that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more profits for their family and the local community.

Another problem that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
in poverty is that the land
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they habit
is not
simply
oriented for farming activities. The soil could be not fertile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
vegetations
, or the community may have more natural disasters like droughts, floods or cyclones. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in those lands,
however
, have other options. Bangladesh,
for example
, was
also
a farming country to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
cottons and tea
even though
they experienced heavy cyclones almost every year that ruined their plantations. They decided to reorient their business into sewing and selling their handicrafts in the global market that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
their standards in a short period.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
do not enjoy the development of agricultural
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
technology and
they stay poor due to the epidemic.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
health guidance and hygiene education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about changing their business, will the problem of the poverty solved.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay What would you miss most about home if you are abroad? Why would you miss it the most? Include details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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