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What was your favorite subject at school? Describe it and explain why thissubject was your favorite one. v.2

What was your favorite subject at school? Describe it and explain why thissubject was your favorite one. v. 2
Presently, there are certain people who opine that mobile phones have revolutionized affecting a way people to communicate with our live extremely. Others strongly believe that it can bring negative impacts on the community, healthy and mechanical. In this essay, I will debate the two view sides, and suggest my opinion. According to many, people think that phones have helped their remain connected with the world from wherever they are. Furthermore, they play with features on the applications such as online networks, email, camera and video stay in touch with families, friends and colleagues. In addition, the society is also considering the entertainment on app as a source income. For example, gamers who play on game to achieve rewards. They can operate alone in term or online. Conversely, people can be a problem in some public area. Ringing phone probably would cause disturbance in cinema or school lessons. For students there is a rule to activate tools with time procedures. In fact, Sometimes people are not aware that others can hear their conversation. Moreover, their waves could cause a damage to our brains. Those who are using phones can also be a dangerous distraction. For instance, a driver who operates her mobile while driving can cause distraction in concentration. To conclude, although running telephone has some negative effects for well-being and social interaction. However, it would be solved by using phone wisely because we have to accept technology advance currently.
Presently
, there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
opine that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have revolutionized affecting a way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
extremely
. Others
strongly
believe that it can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the community, healthy and mechanical. In this essay, I will debate the two view sides, and suggest my opinion.

According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
their remain connected with the world from wherever they are.
Furthermore
, they play with features on the applications such as online networks, email, camera and video stay in touch with families, friends and colleagues.
In addition
, the society is
also
considering the entertainment on app as a source income.
For example
, gamers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play on game to achieve rewards. They can operate alone in term or online.

Conversely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be a problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
public area. Ringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
probably
would cause disturbance in cinema or school lessons. For students there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to activate tools with time procedures. In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware that others can hear their conversation.
Moreover
, their waves could cause
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "damage".
a damage
to our brains. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can
also
be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
distraction.
For instance
, a driver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
operates her mobile while driving can cause distraction in concentration.

To conclude
, although running telephone has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects for well-being and social interaction.
However
, it would
be solved
by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
wisely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
accept technology advance
currently
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay What was your favorite subject at school? Describe it and explain why thissubject was your favorite one. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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