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What was the most memorable event that happened to you while you were in school? Use specific reasons to support your answer. v.1

What was the most memorable event that happened to you while you were in school? Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 1
We are living in a fascinating and an ever-changing world; therefore, one has to accept the changes in order to cope up with them. Some people consider that one can make the place for new things by throwing away the old ones. However, others believe that old is gold and one should repair them and reuse them. Several factors cause this phenomenon as well as their respective consequences. On the other hand economic benefit should also be considered by regarding this issue. It is evident that manufacturing new goods contributes to the appearance of annual proficiency for the country. It can be easily exemplified by the fact that the majority of markets sell their producing and the taxes from these sellers are going to be in government's charge and governments themselves have an opportunity to improve living standards of dwellers. For instance, a recent survey reported that the average level of living has significantly increased within 7 years in the UK on the grounds of providing a big campaign of production goods. Throwing away a big amount of things will cause several problems regarding pollution and extinction of flora and fauna. Rarely do people realize about the consequences of such actions. For example, by casting old things, there is appearing a need of producing new ones for people, hence it will bring an natural resources. Furthermore, throwing away elderly things in the ocean will have a negative effect on condition of flora and fauna. The more vegetable life will die out, the more water animals will suffer from this and in the end they will be finally eliminated. Moreover, considering the fact that fishes are being used as the main food in coastal provinces, it is needless to say that such extinction will exacerbate the situation for those who live there. To sum up, I would like to say that products of today’s age are more advanced and efficient than conventional, thus these attract large numbers of people because of their undeniable benefits. Governments and individuals should make attempts to create awareness about reusing and recycling of items. Consequently, it will help in cleaning parks and streets from massive litters of wasted disposable cups, plates and bags.
We are living in a fascinating and an ever-changing world;
therefore
, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
accept the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in order to cope up with them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the place for new things by throwing away the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
However
, others believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is gold and one should repair them and reuse them.

Several factors cause this phenomenon
as well
as their respective consequences.

On the other hand
economic benefit should
also
be considered
by regarding this issue. It is evident that manufacturing new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
contributes to the appearance of annual proficiency for the country. It can be
easily
exemplified by the fact that the majority of markets sell their producing and the taxes from these sellers are going to be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's charge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
themselves have an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
living standards of dwellers.
For instance
, a recent survey reported that the average level of living has
significantly
increased within 7 years in the UK on the grounds of providing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
campaign of production
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.

Throwing away a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of things will cause several problems regarding pollution and extinction of flora and fauna. Rarely do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realize about the consequences of such actions.
For example
, by casting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
things, there
The verb 'appearing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is appearing
a need of producing new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
hence
it will bring
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
natural
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "resource"?
resources
.
Furthermore
, throwing away elderly things in the ocean will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on condition of flora and fauna. The more vegetable life will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out, the more water animals will suffer from this and in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
they will be
finally
eliminated.
Moreover
, considering the fact that fishes are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as the main food in coastal provinces, it is needless to say that such extinction will exacerbate the situation for those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there.

To sum up, I would like to say that products of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s age are more advanced and efficient than conventional,
thus
these attract large numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their undeniable benefits.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
and individuals should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
attempts to create awareness about reusing and recycling of items.
Consequently
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in cleaning parks and streets from massive litters of wasted disposable cups, plates and bags.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay What was the most memorable event that happened to you while you were in school? Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
367 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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