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talk about a pleasant and memorable event that happened while you were in school. Explain why this event brings back memories. v.2

talk about a pleasant and memorable event that happened while you were in school. Explain why this event brings back memories. v. 2
One of the most controversial issues today is related to an increased rate of sound pollution at an alarming rate. In this essay, we shall explore various problems and solution to minimize noise side-effects. Firstly, modern life presents us with various types of sound pollution inside and outside of the home. Inside the home, vehicle, machinery, and factory may develop noise. Due to this factor, the hearing level of children and the elderly may be affected. Another cause is that due to honking and loud music sleeps may suffer which can cause other serious health issues. For example, as per recent studies, 76% of adults in the USA are suffering from insomnia, and researchers found a shocking result that the main reason for that is loud music streaming during sleep time. As every problem has a solution, this is not an exception. Noise pollution can also be treatable. Initially, the government should band honking in a residential area and congested areas. The Government can also organize awareness and motivational events so, people will be aware of its causes and take as a responsibility. Secondly, It is the gospel truth that trees help to absorb noise from the environment. Ergo, people should grow trees near their premises and motivate others to do the same that is how we can decrease noise from our day to day life. In conclusion, noise pollution is now a global problem as a result of the dramatic expansion of industries and globalization. However, there are various solutions which help to minimize sound pollution up to a certain level by penalizing if someone unnecessary honking and growing trees.
One of the most controversial issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is related
to an increased rate of sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
at an alarming rate. In this essay, we shall explore various problems and solution to minimize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
Did you mean "side effects" (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effects
.

Firstly
, modern life presents us with various types of sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
inside and
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the home. Inside the home, vehicle, machinery, and factory may develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
. Due to this factor, the hearing level of children and the elderly may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. Another cause is that due to honking and loud music sleeps may suffer which can cause other serious health issues.
For example
, as per recent studies, 76% of adults in the USA are suffering from insomnia, and researchers found a shocking result that the main reason for
that is
loud music streaming during sleep time.

As every problem has a solution, this is not an exception.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Noise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
can
also
be treatable.
Initially
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should band honking in a residential area and congested areas. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
can
also
organize awareness and motivational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be aware of its causes and take as a responsibility.
Secondly
, It is the gospel truth that trees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to absorb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
from the environment. Ergo,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should grow trees near their premises and motivate others to do the same
that is
how we can decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
from our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a global problem
as a result
of the dramatic expansion of industries and globalization.
However
, there are various solutions which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to minimize sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
up to a certain level by penalizing if someone unnecessary honking and growing trees.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay talk about a pleasant and memorable event that happened while you were in school. Explain why this event brings back memories. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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