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If you had to help someone decide what career he or she should choose, how would you help this person? Why would you help this person in this way? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v.1

If you had to help someone decide what career he or she should choose, how would you help this person? Why would you help this person in this way? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 1
Essay: It is true that some companies complain about the poor interpersonal skills of their new employees. While some reasons for this can be identified, there are solutions which firms should adopt. As many new employees are school-leavers, the causes of this problem can be found in the home and in the school. A child’s personality is shaped during the formative years of home-life and schooling. In terms of the home, close-knit families are a thing of the past in many societies, and youngsters do not learn to live in harmony with one another and with their parents. For instance, meal times used to be occasions when families ate together and discussed the tasks to be done and the problems of each family member. In school, children are encouraged to achieve individual excellence in exams, rather than to have social skills and to be team-players. However, in order to conduct a business efficiently, firms must take steps to train new employees to acquire interpersonal skills. Firstly, cooperative skills should be developed, making the most of the latest management techniques. Some companies in Europe and the USA, for example, organise challenging activity weekends during which staff must work as teams to do mountain-climbing or climbing and camping. Working together, their survival skills are put to the test. Secondly, codes of conduct at work should be strictly enforced for both new and existing employees to facilitate communication and cooperation. In conclusion, although some reasons can be suggested as probable causes of this problem, there are measures which companies should take to develop the interpersonal skills of new staff.
Essay:

It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
complain about the poor interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for this can
be identified
, there are solutions which firms should adopt.

As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are school-leavers, the causes of this problem can
be found
in the home and in the school. A child’s personality
is shaped
during the formative years of home-life and schooling. In terms of the home, close-knit families are a thing of the past in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies, and youngsters do not learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in harmony with one another and with their parents.
For instance
, meal times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be occasions when families ate together and discussed the tasks to
be done
and the problems of each family member. In school, children
are encouraged
to achieve individual excellence in exams,
rather
than to have social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and to be team-players.

However
, in order to conduct a business
efficiently
, firms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take steps to train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to acquire interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Firstly
, cooperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
be developed
, making the most of the latest management techniques.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in Europe and the USA,
for example
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
challenging activity weekends during which staff
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work as teams to do mountain-climbing or climbing and camping. Working together, their survival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are put
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
.
Secondly
, codes of conduct at work should be
strictly
enforced for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to facilitate communication and cooperation.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons can
be suggested
as probable causes of this problem, there are measures which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should take to develop the interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
staff.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay If you had to help someone decide what career he or she should choose, how would you help this person? Why would you help this person in this way? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
266 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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