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What person who is alive today would you most like to meet? Use reasons anddetails to support your response. v.1

What person who is alive today would you most like to meet? Use reasons anddetails to support your response. v. 1
Retirement age is an age when every working individual takes a break from job and gets paid for the services they have done for their community. Some sociologists believe that having a fixed retirement age for everybody irrespective of their occupation is unfair, and certain workers should allowed to take early retirement. I completely agree with this argument and I will indicate my view with examples. To begin with, people tend to become weak as they grow older. Different occupations demand different kinds of skills. Certain workers need physical stability to perform their duties. This physical power and stamina, reduce with maturity. While other occupations like office work demands less physical energy. Hence, workers whose industry demand more physical energy needs to be given an early withdrawal. This can be illustrated by the workers in coal mine whose job demands power and stamina which deteriorates as they grow older. However, workers sitting in a library do not need to have much physical toughness. Additionally, people who have served a lot for their organisation for a longer duration could be given early pullout. Certain workers who have dedicated most of their life working for an association should be allowed to reap the benefits of retirement at an early age. For instance, my father started working for a company in India at the age of 20. He was allowed to take early retirement by considering the tenor of his work in the company. In conclusion, having a common pullout age for all kinds of workers is unfair. Workers whose work demand more physical energy and workers who have served their company for a longer duration should be allowed to take early retirement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
when every working individual takes a break from job and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
paid for the services they have done for their community.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
sociologists believe that having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for everybody irrespective of their occupation is unfair, and certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "allow"
allowed
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument and I will indicate my view with examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to become weak as they grow older.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
occupations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
stability to perform their duties. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
power and stamina,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
with maturity. While other occupations like office work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demands
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
energy.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
whose industry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
energy needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
withdrawal. This can
be illustrated
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in coal mine whose job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demands
power and stamina which deteriorates as they grow older.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
sitting in a library do not need to have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
toughness.

Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have served a lot for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
for a longer duration could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
pullout. Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who have dedicated most of their life working for an association should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to reap the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
For instance
, my father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in India at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 20. He was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
by considering the tenor of his work in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, having a common pullout
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
is unfair.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Workers
whose work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
energy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who have served their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for a longer duration should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay What person who is alive today would you most like to meet? Use reasons anddetails to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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