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some students prepare for tests by studying alone. others prepare for a test by studying with other students or tutor. which method do you think is better and why. v.1

some students prepare for tests by studying alone. others prepare for a test by studying with other students or tutor. which method do you think is better and why. v. 1
In this world, the urban cities face the biggest problem that is the overpopulation. In many cases, the government does not know the way to handle this problem. The overpopulation is due to the lack of people's knowledge and carelessness of the government. Firstly, the uneducated people is more in a country, and so people have less knowledge. In other words, the people do not know, what happens if they have more children. For instance, In the India, 56% of the population are uneducated, hence they do not know the effects of having more children. Secondly, the government does not take necessary steps to stop the overpopulation. Especially, the cabinet takes action only if the problem becomes higher. Therefore, the problem goes beyond the hands. For example, In 2000, the china reached twice of their country's birth rate, when compared two years back, this was totally carelessness of the cabinet. The one solution is to bring awareness to the public by the nation. The country should organize a lot of camps to bring awareness to the public. Especially, the camps should concentrate on the uneducated people. The other solution is, the cabinet should work in a better way to resolve a problem before it becomes huge. For example, the Indian government introduced the policy, to have just one child in each home so that they can control the population in the future. Hence, the government should introduce a lot of policies for the nation's welfare. To conclude, it is not only in the hands of the government to control the population, but also as a citizen we the people have to raise the voice to stop the overpopulation. Obviously, the educated people can educate the others and bring awareness.
In this world, the urban cities face the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that is
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
does not know the way to handle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
is due to the lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's knowledge and carelessness of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Firstly
, the uneducated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
more in a country, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have less knowledge.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not know, what happens if they have more children.
For instance
, In the India, 56% of the population
are uneducated
,
hence
they do not know the effects of having more children.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
does not take necessary steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
.
Especially
, the cabinet takes action
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
becomes higher.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
goes beyond the hands.
For example
, In 2000, the china reached twice of their country's birth rate, when compared two years back, this was
totally
carelessness of the cabinet.

The one solution is to bring awareness to the public by the nation. The country should organize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
camps to bring awareness to the public.
Especially
, the camps should concentrate on the uneducated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The other solution is, the cabinet should work in a better way to resolve a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it becomes huge.
For example
, the Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
introduced the policy, to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one child in each home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can control the population in the future.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should introduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
policies for the nation's welfare.

To conclude
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the hands of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to control the population,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
as a citizen we the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
raise the voice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
.
Obviously
, the educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can educate the others and bring awareness.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay some students prepare for tests by studying alone. others prepare for a test by studying with other students or tutor. which method do you think is better and why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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