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What kind of reading materail such as novels, poetry or magazine, do you most like to read in your free time? Explain why you find this kind of reading material interesting. v.1

What kind of reading materail such as novels, poetry or magazine, do you most like to read in your free time? Explain why you find this kind of reading material interesting. v. 1
Today, working people are becoming busier and busier and hence, many of them sent their old parents to retirement homes. It is argued that this trend is not suitable because many other people believe the seniors are the ones who should be cared for. However, I am sure that many elderly people understand and have sympathy for their busy children. In this essay, I will continue to write about my disagreement with the statement in the question. Initially, it might be beneficial for elderly people to enjoy their last days in a nursing home because there is caring available almost every time they demand. If senior people live at home, it would be quite a challenge to get assistance given that their relatives don’t have time for them. Moreover, seniors can socialize with many other people at the retirement home. In spite of the fact that older people can feel lonely when they live in retirement homes, they still have friends there to talk with and can form relationships. Secondly, not everyone in this world care about their ageing members. People who have evil intentions might attempt to take over the care of an old people in order to achieve that person’s inheritance. There are countless articles on the Internet about criminals similar to this which resulted in very bad consequences. On top of that, many people feel that they are a burden of their children because they require special caring and time consumption of them, and thus, they prefer to live in a place that is better for them. Consequently, because many people focus on their family and work, their parents are sent to the nursing homes or decided to spend the rest of their life at that place. Inheritance and socialization are also some notable causes which made many elders to choose the safe route.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming busier and busier and
hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
parents to retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. It
is argued
that this trend is not suitable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe the seniors are the ones who should
be cared
for.
However
, I am sure that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand and have sympathy for their busy children. In this essay, I will continue to write about my disagreement with the statement in the question.

Initially
, it might be beneficial for elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy their last days in a nursing home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is caring available almost every time they demand. If senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
at home, it would be quite a challenge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
assistance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that their relatives don’t have time for them.
Moreover
, seniors can socialize with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at the retirement home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the fact that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can feel lonely when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
, they
still
have friends there to talk with and can form relationships.

Secondly
, not everyone in this world care about their
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
members.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who have evil intentions might attempt to take over the care of an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in order to achieve that person’s inheritance. There are countless articles on the Internet about criminals similar to this which resulted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
consequences.
On top of that
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that they are a burden of their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they require special caring and time consumption of them, and
thus
, they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a place
that is
better for them.

Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
focus on their family and work, their parents are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
or decided to spend the rest of their life at that place. Inheritance and socialization are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notable causes which made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
elders to choose the safe route.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay What kind of reading materail such as novels, poetry or magazine, do you most like to read in your free time? Explain why you find this kind of reading material interesting. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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