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You will now read a short passage and listen to a conversation on the same topic. The recreational services department will receive special funding from this year’s budget to increase the number of exercise machines in the campus gym. The increase is in v.1

You will now read a short passage and listen to a conversation on the same topic. The recreational services department will receive special funding from this year’s budget to increase the number of exercise machines in the campus gym. The increase is in v. 1
Even though nowadays many humans have a great awareness of well-being, some still maintain an unhealthy way of living. As it is quite essential for people to create an advanced physical condition and nutrition style, I believe that by participating in group sports they can maintain a balanced lifestyle in terms of good health. This is because, the group activities provide participants with a human interaction and help them to stay connected with the nature. I will explain my reasons throughout this essay. In these modern times, many people are lacking a solid human communication since a great number of them are usually busy with their Daily life struggles. Participating a group sport is not only help individuals to stay active, but also give them the much needed peer interaction. The reason for that is as participating a group game means individuals need to build a strong communication with their teammates in order to make a cohesive group dialogue for achieving good accomplishments. For instance, last year I involved in a local basketball team to gain a weight, in the end of the sports term I did not only build a stronger body, but also earned a good friend with whom I met during the team preparing for the upcoming season. Additionally, as an outcome of the modern city living, people have lost their contact with the green lands. Group sport activities can help people to re-connect with the nature. This is because, many of the group activities taking place at outdoors. Therefore, participants may work on maintaining a healthy lifestyle where they can also have the benefits of being in nature and providing their lungs with a fresh air. Hiking is a great example regards this, since the activity is about climbing mountains with a group of people, this sport gives individuals all the above-mentioned benefits. To conclude, although awareness on living healthy is currently increasing, some people still have habits that are not fit in a healthy lifestyle. However, this can be preventable if the individuals take a place in group sports. Because this way of doing athletics provides them with human interaction while giving them a chance to connect with the nature.
Even though
nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
have a great awareness of well-being,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
still
maintain an unhealthy way of living. As it is quite essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to create an advanced physical condition and nutrition style, I believe that by participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
they can maintain a balanced lifestyle in terms of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
provide participants with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
interaction and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to stay connected with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons throughout this essay.

In these modern times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are lacking a solid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
communication since a great number of them are
usually
busy with their Daily life struggles. Participating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to stay active,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
give them the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
peer interaction. The reason for
that is
as participating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
game means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
need to build a strong communication with their teammates in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a cohesive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
dialogue for achieving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
accomplishments.
For instance
, last year I involved in a local basketball team to gain a weight, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
term I did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
build a stronger body,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
earned a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friend with whom I met during the team preparing for the upcoming season.

Additionally
, as an outcome of the modern city living,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have lost their contact with the green lands.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to re-connect with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
taking place at outdoors.
Therefore
, participants may work on maintaining a healthy lifestyle where they can
also
have the benefits of being in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
and providing their lungs with a fresh air. Hiking is a great example regards this, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is about climbing mountains with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
all the above-mentioned benefits.

To conclude
, although awareness on living healthy is
currently
increasing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
have habits that are not fit in a healthy lifestyle.
However
, this can be preventable if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
take a place in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
this way of doing athletics provides them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
interaction while giving them a chance to connect with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You will now read a short passage and listen to a conversation on the same topic. The recreational services department will receive special funding from this year’s budget to increase the number of exercise machines in the campus gym. The increase is in v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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