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What is your most valuable possession? Describe it and explain why it is important to you. Include details and examples in your explanation. v.1

What is your most valuable possession? Describe it and explain why it is important to you. Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1
It is observed that, in the early age before twenty, individual's lives are excess happening than being an adult. This essay will elucidate both the views, so that a plausible conclusion can be formed. At the outset, I would like to put some light on the age when we were in the college, because, that is the time when we were free from any kind of responsibility and protocol. For instance, we had not had to think about the source of income as our parents were responsible for that all, we just had to focus on the studies, the only tension to take, rest, everything was freely available to enjoy. On the other hand, when a person is developed, there are different types of responsibilities to take care of. I have an example of my own experience, there is my friend, who was a person with a very jolly nature, but, when he was at the age when he had to look over some major duties, he forgets to live happily and now he even does not remember his past, the period of enjoyment, even he has forgotten the juice of the life. However, responsibilities make you grow in life and you see the real meaning of life when you take care of others in terms of money and privileges you enjoy more when you see smiles on some body's face because of you. To recapitulate, I would make this more explicit, that, It is believed that, one should never forget his/her childhood because, this nature helps you to fight with the upcoming life disasters. So, I think that teenage days are more enjoyable than adult age because we live our life for our own because, the rest of the life is for others then.
It
is observed
that, in the early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
twenty, individual's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are excess
Use "(happening)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
happening
than being an adult. This essay will elucidate both the views,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that a plausible conclusion can
be formed
.

At the outset, I would like to put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
when we were in the college,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
that is
the time when we were free from any kind of responsibility and protocol.
For instance
, we had not had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the source of income as our parents were responsible for that all, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
had to focus on the studies, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
tension to take, rest, everything was
freely
available to enjoy.

On the other hand
, when a person
is developed
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of responsibilities to take care of. I have an example of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, there is my friend, who was a person with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
jolly nature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, when he was at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
when he had to look over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major duties, he forgets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he even does not remember his past, the period of enjoyment, even he has forgotten the juice of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, responsibilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you grow in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the real meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
when you take care of others in terms of money and privileges you enjoy more when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
smiles on
Did you mean "somebody"?
some body
's face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of you.

To recapitulate, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this more explicit, that, It
is believed
that, one should never forget his/her childhood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, this nature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you to fight with the upcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
disasters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that teenage days are more enjoyable than adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is for others then.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay What is your most valuable possession? Describe it and explain why it is important to you. Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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