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What is your favorite season of the year? Describe the season and explainwhy you like it so much. v.2

What is your favorite season of the year? Describe the season and explainwhy you like it so much. v. 2
There is an argument that the ideal present for adolescents is cash. Nevertheless, part of society disagrees with this position. From my perspective, giving money to youngsters may be unspecial and risky. On the one hand, it is believed that giving money instead of products allows teenagers to choose a more likeable present, since they are mature enough to have developed personal interests and style, therefore, it would be easier for adults to give the perfect gift. For instance, social studies have shown that high school students prefer receiving pre-paid cards than goods, as adults commonly have different tastes. Moreover, receiving cash teaches adolescents financial values, because they must choose to save or spend the money considering their goals, consequently improving their financial and management skills. Conversely, several people claim the money too unpersonal, due to the fact that the importance of gifts comes from their individuality, as a result, this tradition might lose its true meaning if individuals do not spend time and effort to purchase or make a present. To illustrate, while in the past people used to produce gifts to each other as a symbol of friendship and love, nowadays, most people say do not have time. Additionally, it can be risky giving cash to teenagers, as they may buy illegal products such as alcohol and drugs, which would put them in dangerous situations. To conclude, although money as a gift may guarantee an ideal present for youngsters, it can lose the real meaning of the gesture. Personally, I do believe people should take time to buy or make an object for them.
There is an argument that the ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
for adolescents is cash.
Nevertheless
, part of society disagrees with this position. From my perspective, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to youngsters may be
Possible spelling mistake found.
unspecial
and risky.

On the one hand, it
is believed
that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
instead
of products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to choose a more likeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
, since they are mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to have developed personal interests and style,
therefore
, it would be easier for adults to give the perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
.
For instance
, social studies have shown that high school students prefer receiving
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-paid
cards than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, as adults
commonly
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tastes.
Moreover
, receiving cash teaches adolescents financial values,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
choose to save or spend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
considering their goals,
consequently
improving their financial and management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Conversely
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
too
Possible spelling mistake found.
unpersonal
, due to the fact that the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from their individuality,
as a result
, this tradition might lose its true meaning if individuals do not spend time and effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
. To illustrate, while in the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
to each other as a symbol of friendship and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, nowadays, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say do not have time.
Additionally
, it can be risky giving cash to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, as they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
illegal products such as alcohol and drugs, which would put them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
may guarantee an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
for youngsters, it can lose the real meaning of the gesture.
Personally
, I do believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an object for them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay What is your favorite season of the year? Describe the season and explainwhy you like it so much. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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