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what is the best city that you have ever visited? explain your viewpoint and provide details and examples to support your answer. v.1

what is the best city that you have ever visited? explain your viewpoint and provide details and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Across the nations of the world, there have been an increase in youth involvement in various unlawful acts. Many are of the opinion that the major cause of this is due to the facts that parents are spending more time at work which makes them have less time for their children. The point in which, I strongly agree. Firstly, Youth are very naïve in their thinking and they needed to be guided in the path of life. Regarding this, they require a guide and instructor that will show them the right way to follow in order to fulfil their dreams. Most parents’ heads are buried in their work as they have less time to provide proper guidance to these children and they left to do whatever they want. For instance, with the technology that knows no bounds as the internet, many youth are exposed to these endless pools and there is no one to monitor what they do or the sites they visit, from there, they began to have bad influences with damages their moral behaviours. Secondly, as the children are narrow-minded, they also tend to give-in to peer pressure due to the absence of their parents. Youth wants to participate in what they see their friends doing and begin to show some incessant behaviour which can actually be tamed if the parents have been there to monitor their children’s attitude. They get into drugs and other violent activities as they want to live the frivolous lives, their friends are living which are totally against the societal values. To conclude, parent’s absenteeism in their children’s welfare has caused an increase in the illegal activities that they involved in.
Across the nations of the world, there have been an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
involvement in various unlawful acts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
are of the opinion that the major cause of this is due to the facts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are spending more time at work which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them have less time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The point in which, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Youth
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
naïve in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
thinking and
they needed to
be guided
in the path of life. Regarding this, they require a guide and instructor that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them the right way to follow in order to fulfil their dreams. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
heads
are buried
in their work as they have less time to provide proper guidance to these
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to do whatever they want.
For instance
, with the technology that knows no bounds as the internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
are exposed
to these endless pools and there is no one to monitor what they do or the sites they visit, from there, they began to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences with damages their moral
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.

Secondly
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are narrow-minded, they
also
tend to give-in to peer pressure due to the absence of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Youth
wants to participate in what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their friends doing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
incessant
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
which can actually
be tamed
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have been there to monitor their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
attitude. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into drugs and other violent activities as they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the frivolous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, their friends are living which are
totally
against the societal values.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
absenteeism in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
welfare has caused an increase in the illegal activities that they involved in.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay what is the best city that you have ever visited? explain your viewpoint and provide details and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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