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Homeostasis is the tendency toward balance. In zoology, homeostasis is an animal’s ability to maintain body equilibrium by adjusting its physiological processes. It is the body’s continuous balancing and re-balancing of the processes that maintain stabili v.1

Homeostasis is the tendency toward balance. In zoology, homeostasis is an animal’s ability to maintain body equilibrium by adjusting its physiological processes. It is the body’s continuous balancing and re-balancing of the processes that maintain stabili v. 1
Obesity has become one of the risk factors for many life style disorders. Primarily, two reasons for the same, that are excessive consumption of fast food and lack of exercise; however, this can be effectively tackled by adopting certain strategies. First of all, it is an indisputable fact that, people of these days prefer to eat convenience food than healthy options. This is because these edibles are widely available, cheap, delicious and affordable too. Moreover, These items contain a large amount of sugar, salt and oils, which are extremely harmful for the health of the individuals, resulting in serious health issues: heart disorders, liver disorder, and joint problems. Additionally, people do not have enough physical activities to reduce excess amount of body weight. Due to the technological advancement, currently, modern facilities such as better transportation, elevator arrangements in offices, and longer working hours preventing them from exercising. However, these above- mentioned causes can be reduced by taking proper actions, which requires a joint effort from both the public and the government part. One obvious method is that, educating younger generations about the consequences of being obese. By including healthy options and various exercise modalities in the school syllabus, can enlighten the children. Other possible strategies could be imprinting statutory warning over the packets of these junk foods that stating the adverse effects of consuming this, moreover, under no circumstances do not advertise these food commercials not only on television, but even any printed media also. Those who are breaking this law, must be served a long jail term to set an example for others. By way of conclusion, even though overweight is a serious health issue and causing many diseases, this can be prevented by prompt action of the authority and support of society. It is crucial to act now, as this is becoming more like an epidemic among many youngsters.
Obesity has become one of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
factors for
Use "much" or "little" with uncountable nouns.
many
life style disorders.
Primarily
, two reasons for the same, that are excessive consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and lack of exercise;
however
, this can be
effectively
tackled by adopting certain strategies.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is an indisputable fact that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of these days prefer to eat convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
than healthy options. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these edibles are
widely
available,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
, delicious and affordable too.
Moreover
, These items contain a large amount of sugar, salt and oils, which are
extremely
harmful for the health of the individuals, resulting in serious health issues: heart disorders, liver disorder, and joint problems.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
physical activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
excess amount of body weight. Due to the technological advancement,
currently
, modern facilities such as better transportation, elevator arrangements in offices, and longer working hours preventing them from exercising.

However
, these above- mentioned causes can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by taking proper actions, which requires a joint effort from both the public and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
part. One obvious method is that, educating younger generations about the consequences of being obese. By including healthy options and various exercise modalities in the school syllabus, can enlighten the children. Other possible strategies could be imprinting statutory warning over the packets of these junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that stating the adverse effects of consuming this,
moreover
, under no circumstances do not advertise these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
commercials not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on television,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
even any printed media
also
. Those who are breaking this law,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be served
a long jail term to set an example for others.

By way of conclusion,
even though
overweight is a serious health issue and causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases, this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by prompt action of the authority and support of society. It is crucial to act
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, as this is becoming more like an epidemic among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Homeostasis is the tendency toward balance. In zoology, homeostasis is an animal’s ability to maintain body equilibrium by adjusting its physiological processes. It is the body’s continuous balancing and re-balancing of the processes that maintain stabili v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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