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Talk about a city that you have visited recently. Please say- What and where is the city? - Why did you go there? - What did you like or dislike about it? v.1

Talk about a city that you have visited recently. Please say- What and where is the city? - Why did you go there? - What did you like or dislike about it? v. 1
It is believed that, nowadays, while children prefer watching television to reading a book as a way of learning, the book plays an irreplaceable role in offering children a much better education. Taking into consideration the amount of knowledge television can transmit to a child and its alluring presentation, I completely disagree with this statement. Firstly, not only can television entertain children with hilarious cartoons, or catchy, funny children’s songs, it has plenty of educational programs. For example, Discovery Channel and National Geographic, which are accessible to children at a young age, trigger their curiosity and enhance their knowledge about the surrounding world. Those benefits will catalyse their aspirations for studying later in their life. By contrast, books, with their limited availability within children’s reach, fail to offer such a wide range of knowledge if the adults do not store a large number of books at home. Secondly, watching television is more exhilarating than reading a book. TV programmes are well-edited with genuine and thrilling footage, and captivating sound or voice, whereas books are full of words, tedious and sometimes hard to follow for young children because there are a lot of terms they cannot understand without their parents’ assistance. For instance, according to a survey with students at a primary school in London, 80% of the respondents said that they preferred to learn through television for reasons mentioned above. Therefore, television is obviously a useful learning tool for children early in their age to self-study without getting bored. In conclusion, although some may express their concern about the inability of television to well educate a child compared to books, I strongly believe that television is an informative and fun tool for children to learn things on their own from a young age.
It
is believed
that, nowadays, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
to reading a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
as a way of learning, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
plays an irreplaceable role in offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a much better education. Taking into consideration the amount of knowledge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can transmit to a child and its alluring presentation, I completely disagree with this statement.

Firstly
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with hilarious cartoons, or catchy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
songs, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of educational programs.
For example
, Discovery Channel and National Geographic, which are accessible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at a young age, trigger their curiosity and enhance their knowledge about the surrounding world. Those benefits will
Possible spelling mistake. 'catalyse' is British English.
catalyse
their aspirations for studying later in their life. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, with their limited availability within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
reach, fail to offer such a wide range of knowledge if the adults do not store
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
at home.

Secondly
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is more exhilarating than reading a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
. TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
are well-edited with genuine and thrilling footage, and captivating sound or voice, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are full of words, tedious and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to follow for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
terms they cannot understand without their parents’ assistance.
For instance
, according to a survey with students at a primary school in London, 80% of the respondents said that they preferred to learn through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for reasons mentioned above.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
obviously
a useful learning tool for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
early in their age to self-study without getting bored.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may express their concern about the inability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
to well educate a child compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is an informative and fun tool for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn things on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
from a young age.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about a city that you have visited recently. Please say- What and where is the city? - Why did you go there? - What did you like or dislike about it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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