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Some people think that rest and sleep are the best methods to relax while others think that it can be done by involving in some activities like sports. Do you agree or disagree and give your view? v.1

Some people think that rest and sleep are the best methods to relax while others think that it can be done by involving in some activities like sports. and give your view? v. 1
Small traders are getting lost and substituted by giant traders. There are both advantages and disadvantages to this statement. However, the cons are stronger and outweighing the pros. Firstly, the main disadvantage is when a large business takes over a small business the whole family, which is dependent on the small business will get affected in every way. The majority of the small scales are run by people who are financially weak. So this taking over will make their stand more miserable. The times has quoted that in a year there are precisely 2000 to 3000 families who are getting affected because of the taking over of small scale industries. It also affects the job opportunities which are created by small scale industries for the unprivileged people who are in remote villages. A weaving commerce in a remote village near Gujarat, India was providing job opportunities for a plethora of people. The majority of them were illiterate and old people, but unfortunately, a major big weaver industry took over that company and all of the people were affected and their job was seized. Secondly, when a large industry takes over a small one it may help the workers in that industry to get new clients. In addition to that, they might also get an appraisal for their work. For example, there are MNC’s in India who give their workers hike when their company takes over a small industry. To conclude, large ratio industries will run smoothly without taking over the small scale industries but if they do so. The cons cleanly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Small
traders are getting lost and substituted by giant traders. There are both advantages and disadvantages to this statement.
However
, the cons are stronger and outweighing the pros.

Firstly
, the main disadvantage is when a large business takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
business the whole family, which is dependent on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
business will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in every way. The majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scales
are run
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
financially
weak.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their stand more miserable. The times
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
quoted that in a year there are
precisely
2000 to 3000 families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
. It
also
affects the job opportunities which
are created
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
for the unprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in remote villages. A weaving commerce in a remote village near Gujarat, India was providing job opportunities for a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The majority of them were illiterate and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately, a major
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
weaver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
and their job
was seized
.

Secondly
, when a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
one it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the workers in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
new clients.
In addition
to that, they might
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an appraisal for their work.
For example
, there are
Possible spelling mistake found.
MNC
’s in India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
give their workers hike when their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
industry.

To conclude
, large ratio
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
will run
smoothly
without taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. The cons
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
cleanly
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Some people think that rest and sleep are the best methods to relax while others think that it can be done by involving in some activities like sports. and give your view? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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