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What do you think your life will look like after retirement? Use reasons and details to support your answers. v.1

What do you think your life will look like after retirement? Use reasons and details to support your answers. v. 1
Senior Citizens play a crucial role in the development of any country's progress. A fruitful consequence depends on their experience. Although, we could not neglect the responsibilities of youngsters because highly skilful and managerial behaviour to prove them for the success of any association. However, I will discuss both the views in the essay. It is quite true to say that an elderly people are the respectable citizen of any nation. Most of the employees are elder in many companies. The main reason is that, older employees are those who have a lot of experience in a related field. Also, they have a vast knowledge about to run the business and also to give new suggestions and ideas for the success of a company's profit. One illustration is that in textile sector lot of skilful older employees have been working for many years. They have a vast experience to tackle the problems of any company. Therefore, we cannot neglect the importance of an elderly employees. Furthermore, Young people are also the backbone of the successful business. Owing to their higher education, sharp mindset and also the ability of the root cause of the problem. Moreover, they are physically active and energetic, because of the company's success. As a result, they can stay for a long time in company for achieving the goals. For example, most of the companies have been switched on a highly modernizing machine and equipments to acquire the organizational's goals and compete with other companies. Due to this way, younger employees are the best option for achieving this success and boost the profit of the companies. Thus, modern young employees are influential for a company. In conclusion, following discussion and analysis is enough for discussing the responsibilities of older and younger employees. Both are the important part of any company's success and achieving a desirable goal.
Senior Citizens play a crucial role in the development of any country's progress. A fruitful consequence depends on their experience. Although, we could not neglect the responsibilities of youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
highly
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
and managerial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to prove them for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of any association.
However
, I will discuss both the views in the essay.

It is quite true to say that an elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are the respectable citizen of any nation. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are elder in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. The main reason is that, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are those who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experience in a related field.
Also
, they have a vast knowledge about to run the business and
also
to give new suggestions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's profit. One illustration is that in textile sector lot of
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have been working for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years. They have a vast experience to tackle the problems of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Therefore
, we cannot neglect the importance of an elderly
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "employee"?
employees
.

Furthermore
, Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
also
the backbone of the successful business. Owing to their higher education, sharp mindset and
also
the ability of the root cause of the problem.
Moreover
, they are
physically
active and energetic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
As a result
, they can stay for a long time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for achieving the goals.
For example
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have
been switched
on a
highly
modernizing machine and equipments to acquire the organizational's goals and compete with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. Due to this way, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are the best option for achieving this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and boost the profit of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
Thus
, modern young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are influential for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, following discussion and analysis is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for discussing the responsibilities of older and younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. Both are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and achieving a desirable goal.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay What do you think your life will look like after retirement? Use reasons and details to support your answers. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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