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Explain how forest fires are related to climate change, compare this to the effect of volcanic erruption v.1

Explain how forest fires are related to climate change, compare this to the effect of volcanic erruption v. 1
Competitive sports are increasingly becoming part of the core subjects in school. The inclusion of such sports is a highly controversial issue as some people believe that competitive sports have a profound impact on the child’s overall development whereas others say that they have an adverse effect. I will shed some light on both the views and then give my opinion in this matter. On one hand, competitive sports are highly beneficial as they teach many of the life skills such as teamwork and acceptance of failures. The main purpose of these sports is to leverage ones’ potential and build unity. Moreover, they teach how failure is a stepping stone to success. These skills are immensely useful later on life. A good illustration of this is a survey published by Harvard Business School, which states that 80% of today’s successful CEOs were active competitive sports players in their childhood. In other words, lessons of sports learnt in the childhood are undoubtedly useful subsequently in corporate life. On the other hand, there is a negative connotation attached that such sports increase the stress levels. Since competitive sports are highly performance oriented and winning is the ultimate goal, students are likely to remain under constant pressure. Recent statistics published by UK Education Board states that institutes that have introduced competitive sports in their core curriculum have seen a 40% increase in anxiety levels amongst their students as compared to those that have sports only for recreational purpose. Although stress is a concern, it could be argued that it is a person or situational dependent and could be addressed by the school and parents by taking appropriate measures. After having discussed pertinent points of both views, I have drawn a logical conclusion that competitive sports should be part of the school subjects, however, it is important for the society to teach children to manage the negative consequences associated with it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
increasingly
becoming part of the core subjects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. The inclusion of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is a
highly
controversial issue as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have a profound impact on the child’s
overall
development whereas others say that they have an adverse effect. I will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on both the views and then give my opinion in this matter.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
highly
beneficial as they teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as teamwork and acceptance of failures. The main purpose of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is to leverage ones’ potential and build unity.
Moreover
, they teach how failure is a stepping stone to success. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
immensely
useful later on life. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is a survey published by Harvard Business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
, which states that 80% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s successful CEOs were active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players in their childhood.
In other words
, lessons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in the childhood are
undoubtedly
useful
subsequently
in corporate life.

On the other hand
, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
connotation attached that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
highly
performance oriented and winning is the ultimate goal, students are likely to remain under constant pressure. Recent statistics published by UK Education Board states that institutes that have introduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in their core curriculum have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a 40% increase in anxiety levels amongst their students as compared to those that have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for recreational purpose. Although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is a concern, it could
be argued
that it is a person or situational dependent and could
be addressed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and parents by taking appropriate measures.

After having discussed pertinent points of both views, I have drawn a logical conclusion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
subjects,
however
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the society to teach children to manage the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences associated with it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Explain how forest fires are related to climate change, compare this to the effect of volcanic erruption v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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