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What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 2
In some countries, health and fitness levels are declining as a a result average weights of people are proliferating. This essay will discuss the several problems due to lack of fitness and health and similarly various solutions to overcome these problems. Firstly, fitness is a primary factor for healthy person. There are numerous problems like heart diseases, obesity, over weight and so on will arise without a proper exercise. According to television channel report, above stated problems are noticed less in people who prefer to do exercise. Due to advancement in technology people are habituated to less physical involvement in many activities like choosing vehicle instead of walk, taking lift and many such activities. Though technology reduces the physical stress of an individual, it indirectly affecting on one' s physical fitness. Secondly, regime should take step forward to educate people about future problems by various advertisements, internet pop-ups and so on. Additionally, it is not sole responsibility of government, an individual should contribute his efforts to decline health problems and encourage their family members without being affected to those diseases. Free gyms, parks and better infrastructure should be developed by the higher authorities to encourage people' s interest towards. Finally, an individual should attend for regular checkups to avoid being affected by the serious diseases and they should be eradicated in the initial steps. Avoid taking cab, elevator, and do physical exercise when ever a person get a free time. In conclusion, it is necessary to focus on health and physical conditions by implementation of little changes in the life in this modern world. People will able to lead better life by exercise, therefore life expectancy on a nation will proliferate and avoid serious problems faced in later decades.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and fitness levels are declining as
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "a" is left.
a a
result average weights of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
proliferating
. This essay will discuss the several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
due to lack of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
fitness


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
similarly
various solutions to overcome these problems.

Firstly
, fitness is a primary factor for healthy person. There are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
like


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
heart
diseases, obesity, over weight and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on will arise without a proper exercise.

According to television channel report, above stated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are noticed
less in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
prefer
to do exercise. Due to advancement in technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are habituated
to less
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
physical


involvement in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities like choosing vehicle
instead
of walk, taking lift and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
activities
. Though technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of an individual, it
indirectly
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
affecting


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness.

Secondly
, regime should take step forward to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
by various advertisements,

internet pop-ups and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Additionally
, it is not sole responsibility of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, an individual should contribute his efforts

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
decline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and encourage their family members without being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to those diseases. Free gyms,

parks and better infrastructure should
be developed
by the higher authorities to encourage
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s interest towards.

Finally
, an individual should attend for regular checkups to avoid being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the serious
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
diseases and
they

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
should
be eradicated
in the initial steps. Avoid taking cab, elevator, and do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise when ever a person
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
get


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
free time.

In conclusion
, it is necessary to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
conditions by implementation of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
life
in this modern world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will able to lead better life by exercise,
therefore
life expectancy on a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
nation


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
will
proliferate and avoid serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
faced in later decades.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Mistakes

IELTS essay What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 2

Essay
  American English
20 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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