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Failure is proof that the desire wasn t strong enough To what extent do you agree with this statement v.2

Failure is proof that the desire wasn t strong enough 2
It is rightly remarked that Success is the problem but failure is the formula, you cannot solve the problem without knowing the formula. These are two ends of a coin. However, a few people assert that only strong determination can bring success while others condemn and say that other factors play a crucial role in uplifting any individual. I do not entirely concur with this notion. This essay will scrutinize both the viewpoints. Advocates of first virtue say that a full dedication along with the proper concentration can succour any person to reach on heights. Also, Failure should not be on their list when they are working hard. The person who is unable to accomplish any task whether it is related to studies or work is not paying his 100%. On the flip side, many people believe that there are a plenty of contributing factors except the desires. The word FAIL itself says First Attempt In Learning. It is a stepping stone to success. Moreover, every person has gone through numerous failures to achieve success. For instance, the Prime Minister of India, Mr. Narendra Singh Modi was once a tea seller and with his strong determination, he is the head of the country. Another exemplary case could be Thomas Edison who invented the bulb. During his studies, he had failed a plethora of times but those failures do not indicate that his desire was not strong enough. Mulling over the topic, Although desires lend a helping hand in achieving any goal but several things also assist in the victory including luck, availability of resources and financial support.
It is
rightly
remarked that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Success
is the problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
is the formula, you cannot solve the problem without knowing the formula. These are two ends of a coin.
However
, a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
strong determination can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
while others condemn and say that other factors play a crucial role in uplifting any individual. I do not
entirely
concur with this notion. This essay will scrutinize both the viewpoints.

Advocates of
first
virtue say that a full dedication along with the proper concentration can
Possible spelling mistake found.
succour
any person to reach on heights.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Failure
should not be on their list when they are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. The person who is unable to accomplish any task whether it
is related
to studies or work is not paying his 100%.

On the flip side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that there are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of contributing factors except the desires. The word FAIL itself says
First
Attempt In Learning. It is a stepping stone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Moreover
, every person has gone through numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failures
to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
For instance
, the Prime Minister of India, Mr. Narendra Singh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Modi
was once a tea seller and with his strong determination, he is the head of the country. Another exemplary case could be Thomas Edison who invented the bulb. During his studies, he had failed a plethora of times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failures
do not indicate that his desire was not strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

Mulling over the topic, Although desires lend a helping hand in achieving any goal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
several things
also
assist in the victory including luck, availability of resources and financial support.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Failure is proof that the desire wasn t strong enough 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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