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What do you consider when you choose a restaurant? Use examples and details to support your explanation. v.1

What do you consider when you choose a restaurant? Use examples and details to support your explanation. v. 1
Many believe making fixed age for all employees to retire is unjust. Instead, the field of the employment should be taken into consideration. In my opinion, I agree with them. Because, the type of work might affect one's well-being. Due to the extensive physical activity, plenty of occupational fields should have the option to retire earlier such as carpenters, welders etc. Another reason, that might make the employees eligible is the amount of risk put in. Let's look at the first type, for instance, we still count on the physical activity of the construction workers to build or demolish a big building or a small house, the tremendous amount of the energy spent on a daily basis, will certainly have multiple health issues for the long term. The second type is the danger amount is a major factor to determine the eligibility. When we talk about nurses, it comes to our mind an easy job position, while it's full of risks, due to the fact they stay closer to the patients, they take your temperature, draw blood for lab testings and they give you the necessary medicine while you're hospitalized. Thus, they have a higher probability of contracting viruses and diseases from the patients, even with the necessary protection kits. On the other hand, while some might be affected by only by physical or hazard side, others have to face both. Firefighters are the ideal example of this, they have exposure to both high physical and danger sides, from inhaling gas or smoke, to being caught on fire, or god forbid, the fire takes the building down. To summarize, workers in lots of vital areas sacrifice their well-being for the community, the least counterpart we can offer is an early retirement to help them enjoy their life in peril-free.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
age for all employees to retire is unjust.
Instead
, the field of the employment should
be taken
into consideration. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, the type of work might affect one's well-being. Due to the extensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of occupational fields should have the option to retire earlier such as carpenters, welders etc. Another reason, that might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the employees eligible is the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
put in.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's look at the
first
type,
for instance
, we
still
count on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity of the construction workers to build or demolish a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
building or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, the tremendous amount of the energy spent on a daily basis, will
certainly
have multiple health issues for the long term.

The second type is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
amount is a major factor to determine the eligibility. When we talk about nurses, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to our mind an easy job position, while it's full of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, due to the fact they stay closer to the patients, they take your temperature, draw blood for lab
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
testings and
they give you the necessary medicine while you're hospitalized.
Thus
, they have a higher probability of contracting viruses and diseases from the patients, even with the necessary protection kits.

On the other hand
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
or hazard side, others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face both. Firefighters are the ideal example of this, they have exposure to both high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
sides, from inhaling gas or smoke, to
being caught
on fire, or god forbid, the fire takes the building down.

To summarize
, workers in lots of vital areas sacrifice their well-being for the community, the least counterpart we can offer is an early retirement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them enjoy their life in peril-free.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay What do you consider when you choose a restaurant? Use examples and details to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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