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Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? v.1

Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. v. 1
It is certain that more and more people like watching foreign movies instead of domestic movies, there are several reasons why people tend to be this. In my opinion, I completely agree that the authorities should help local film industries by method of increasing budget resource. There is a tendency for people to like watching foreign films rather than domestically produced film, due to some causes. Firstly, one of the best reasons to watch foreign movies is that quality visual and technical. Obviously, developed countries such as Europe areas have a great film industry. For instance, Avengers and Avatar movies attracted a vast amount of audience because of dramatic cinematic effects. Secondly, watching foreign films being a great deal of opportunities to learn another language skill. For example, watching English movies allow viewer can build vocabulary, and listening skill. The government should give more financial for improving domestic film industries, because of several reasons. To begin with, economic benefit plays a vital role in developing domestic movie industries. To illustrate, if movies are invested a plenty of money, movie director can purchase modern equipment for enhancing product quality. Finally, the growth of domestic film industries contributes expansion of tourism industries. For example, the movies were filmed in Ninh Binh with beautiful images of the landscape; consequence, it interests a large number of travellers. In conclusion, there are many people choose to watch foreign movies rather than domestic movies because it has sophisticated technology and people can learn a new language. In my opinion, local film industries have financial support from the government in order to be successful.
It is certain that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be this. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
local film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
by method of increasing budget resource.

There is a tendency for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to like watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
films
rather
than
domestically
produced film, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes.
Firstly
, one of the best reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
is that quality visual and technical.
Obviously
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
such as Europe areas have a great film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
.
For instance
, Avengers and Avatar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
attracted a vast amount of audience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of dramatic cinematic effects.
Secondly
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
films being a great deal of opportunities to learn another language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
For example
, watching English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
viewer can build vocabulary, and listening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should give more financial for improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several reasons. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, economic benefit plays a vital role in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
. To illustrate, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are invested
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of money,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
director can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
modern equipment for enhancing product quality.
Finally
, the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
contributes expansion of tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
were filmed
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ninh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Binh
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
images of the landscape; consequence, it interests
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has sophisticated technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn a new language. In my opinion, local film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
have financial support from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in order to be successful.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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