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What are the possible effects of living long on an individual and on the whole society? Give some examples for and against according to your knowledge. v.3

What are the possible effects of living long on an individual and on the whole society? Give some examples for and against according to your knowledge. v. 3
Advancement in medical technology, better knowledge about medical science, and the invention of the cure for deadly diseases have greatly contributed to increased life expectancy these days. Both the individual and the society have been affected by this achievement. This essay delves into the positive and negative aspects of 'longer living' on individual and the society with relevant examples. Undeniably, death is a terrific affair to all the human and each and every individual denies to accept this inevitable event. Therefore as an individual, increased life expectancy is a benefit that they can live longer and enjoy their time on Earth. In addition, long living is a positive trend towards the development of a country. For instance, increased life expectancy contributes more to more workforces to a country and in turn, raises the productivity of the nation. Professionals like doctors, researchers, writers, political leaders and much more can contribute to the country even more in their old ages with their immense experience in life. In contrast, increased human lifespan has some drawbacks also. Firstly, it will worsen the unemployment rate in an overpopulated country like India. Moreover, increased life expectancy might proportionally increase the dependents’ rate. For instance, it will cause an elevated number of retired people and in turn, it will be a burden to the family and society, no matter how cruel it might sound. Furthermore, society needs more funds for the medical and recreational facilities for the older generation. Finally, life in old ages is fragile and diseases attack easily and make an individual’s life miserable. For some people, a short and healthy life is more desirable than a long and suffering life. Hence increased life expectancy has some adverse effects on both the individual and the society. Putting everything into consideration, the longer life is a positive development for the individual and the nation in terms of our desire to live long with others and to contribute to the country, whereas it will cause unemployment, dependency and sufferings also.
Advancement in medical technology, better knowledge about medical science, and the invention of the cure for deadly diseases have
greatly
contributed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy these days. Both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this achievement. This essay delves into the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of 'longer living' on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
with relevant examples.

Undeniably
, death is a terrific affair to all the human and each and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
denies to accept this inevitable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is a benefit that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer and enjoy their time on Earth.
In addition
, long living is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend towards the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy contributes more to more
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and in turn, raises the productivity of the nation. Professionals like doctors, researchers, writers, political leaders and much more can contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
even more in their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ages with their immense experience in life.

In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
human lifespan has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks
also
.
Firstly
, it will worsen the unemployment rate in an overpopulated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like India.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy might
proportionally
increase the dependents’ rate.
For instance
, it will cause an elevated number of retired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and in turn, it will be a burden to the family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, no matter how cruel it might sound.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
needs more funds for the medical and recreational facilities for the older generation.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ages is fragile and diseases attack
easily
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
miserable. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, a short and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is more desirable than a long and suffering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse effects on both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and the society.

Putting everything into consideration, the longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and the nation in terms of our desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
long with others and to contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, whereas it will cause unemployment, dependency and sufferings
also
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay What are the possible effects of living long on an individual and on the whole society? Give some examples for and against according to your knowledge. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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