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Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. v.5

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. v. 5
In the prevailing scenario, crimes are drastically increased all over the world, this is due to people valued for money rather than the values and relations. According to me, youngsters are not getting enough support from their parents as well as from the teachers, whereas some adolescents attracted to the bad habits through their friends. To begin with, in this contemporary world, both the parents need to work to get an economical status in the society. So, they don't have time to check and teach their kids how to behave in the society. For instance, in the US, most of the people are doing jobs by leaving their children in the baby care centres and they don't have time to spend with them. Because of that absurd behaviours can be observed among teens and they don't understand the moral values. Moreover, teachers’ role is very important in a child's life. They are the key persons in building a society. But nowadays, they are merely teaching the subjects like Mathematics, Science and languages. They have to teach not only academic lessons which are useful for the future career of students but also the social and emotional qualities need to improve in a child. For example, in the developed countries, children are not respecting their teachers. I recently read a news article about a child; the child went to school with a gun and shoot a couple of his classmates and a teacher and then he shot himself and died. However, adolescents also are getting attracted to their friends without any knowledge of the moral values. They don't understand what is right and what is wrong. So, they are getting addicted to bad habits like drugs, smoking and spoiling their lives. In fact, during my secondary education, a person had a habit of smoking, and he encouraged other persons and some people learnt that habit. Sometimes without their knowledge, they get addicted to other people's bad habits. In conclusion, children need to get an emotional bond with the parents. In my opinion, grownups should have the social values from their parents and teachers, however, sometimes, they need to know on their own to make decisions.
In the prevailing scenario, crimes are
drastically
increased all over the world, this is due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
valued for money
rather
than the values and relations.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, youngsters are not getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
support from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as well
as from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adolescents attracted to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
through their friends.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in this contemporary world, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
status in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
have time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
and teach their kids how to behave in the society.
For instance
, in the US, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are doing jobs by leaving their children in the baby care
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
centres and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
have time to spend with them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that absurd
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
can
be observed
among
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
teens and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
understand the moral values.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
role is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in a child's life. They are the key persons in building a society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays, they are
merely
teaching the subjects like Mathematics, Science and languages. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
teach not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
academic lessons which are useful for the future career of students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the social and emotional qualities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in a child.
For example
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, children are not respecting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. I recently read a news article about a child; the child went to school with a gun and shoot a couple of his classmates and a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
teacher and
then he shot himself and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
.

However
, adolescents
also
are getting attracted to their friends without any knowledge of the moral values. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
understand what is right and what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they are getting addicted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
like drugs, smoking and spoiling their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In fact, during my secondary education, a person had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
of smoking, and he encouraged other persons and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
without their knowledge, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.

In conclusion
, children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an emotional bond with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. In my opinion, grownups should have the social values from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to know on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
363 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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