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In some cultures the parents arrange marriages for their children but in others people chose their own marriage partner. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each system? v.2

In some cultures the parents arrange marriages for their children but in others people chose their own marriage partner. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each system? v. 2
Building a happy family starts from making decision in choosing the best partner for your life. In several societies, parents have important roles in choosing the marriage partner of their children. However, others want to find their partner on their own. In this essay, I would like to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both views. First of all, in some cultures, parents have an obligation to fulfill all the needs of their children, including preparing their children marriage. In my opinion, this give some benefits for children life. Basically, parents know the characteristics of their children very well since the beginning of their life. Therefore, parents will be able to determine the best option for their children future. For example, parents can give a recommendation about taking the most suitable subject for academic study. On the other hand, not all children want to be driven by their parents in many aspects because they want to be more independent from their parents. When they have already been an adults, they tend to choose something based on their own interests. If parents force their children to follow their decision, it could lead to a disharmony in their family. On the other hand, other people believe that choosing marriage partner is one of the biggest decision in their life. Love is the best foundation of a family and people have to choose their partners by following their hearts. In this condition, children will feel happier with their marriage and will not be disappointed on the lack of their partners because they accept them whatever the condition because of love. However, in particular situation, children sometimes are too busy with their career and do not have time to make a closed relationship. Moreover, they often forget to put marriage and having a family in their criteria of success while their parents want to have grand children before being too old. To sum up, both views have some pros and cons that should be considered in choosing marriage partner. In my opinion, children should plan their marriage by themselves but they have to ask the recommendation of their parents to maintain the harmony of their family.
Building a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
from making decision in choosing the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
partner
for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In several societies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
roles in choosing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
partner
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to find their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
partner
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. In this essay, I would like to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both views.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultures,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have an obligation to fulfill all the needs of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, including preparing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
. In my opinion, this give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Basically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
know the characteristics of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well since the beginning of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will be able to determine the best option for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
future.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can give a recommendation about taking the most suitable subject for academic study. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
be driven
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be more
The usual collocation for "independent" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independent of"?
independent from
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. When they have already been
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an adult" or simply "adults"?
an adults
, they tend to choose something based on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interests. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to follow their decision, it could lead to a disharmony in their family.

On the
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other
hand,
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other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
partner
is one of the biggest decision in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Love
is the best foundation of a
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family
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
partners
by following their hearts. In this condition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will feel happier with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
and will not
be disappointed
on the lack of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
partners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they accept them whatever the condition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
However
,
in particular
situation,
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children
The adverb 'sometimes' usually goes after the verb 'are'.
sometimes are
too busy with their career and do not have time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a closed relationship.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
forget to put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
and having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in their criteria of success while their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to have grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

To sum up, both views have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pros and cons that should
be considered
in choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
partner
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should plan their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
by themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
ask the recommendation of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to maintain the harmony of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
51Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some cultures the parents arrange marriages for their children but in others people chose their own marriage partner. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each system? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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